How to Overcome Your Fear of Love
Is fear is keeping you from the love you want? In this video, you’ll learn how to overcome your fear of love.
Let’s talk about overcoming your fear of love! In this video, I uncover the most common fears in dating and relationships, why we have these fears, the benefit of staying afraid, and how to overcome your fear of love.
Overcome Your Fear of Love
What are the most common love fears?
The biggest fear is fear of rejection. Will we be judged by a potential partner? Will be rejected as too old, too fat, not smart or successful enough? Another common fear is losing ourselves in a relationship. It’s the fear of being smothered, losing independence or control. And there’s fear of abandonment. You’re afraid he’ll leave you.
Why do we have a hard time letting go of our fears?
There’s a huge payoff for being afraid of love. We stay safe from getting hurt. But, we also stay small. We keep ourselves from experiencing the fullness of life and love. We don’t get deep intimate connections if we don’t risk emotionally. It’s so worth it to let our guards down.
Where do our love fears stem from?
Our fears begin in our family of origin. If our families didn’t fully accept us, we can develop a fear of rejection. If we had a parent abandon us early on, we can develop a fear of abandonment. If our parents avoided intimacy, we can grow up anxious or guarded, fearing intimacy in some way.
Fears show up as guards. These are our coping mechanisms to protect the wounds of our childhood.
We tend to choose partners that are a reflection of our family of origin. They’re either like one of our parents or the opposite of one of our parents. This becomes our relationship blueprint. It shows up in all our relationships, including our friendships. We’re looking to resolve our childhood issues through a partner. We project our relationship blueprint onto a partner, and we interact with them accordingly.
If dad wasn’t available, we might unconsciously date men who aren’t available in an attempt to resolve that issue. Then we try to fix them, and the frustrating thing is, they don’t change. So we shut down and stop dating. We put up our love shield.
Our guards are the most unattractive part of us. They keep us from love. And it’s a vicious cycle. If we don’t remove the love shields, we won’t find love, and we’ll shut down and continue to protect ourselves. When we remove the shield, we open to love. But, it’s scary to take those guards down if we don’t do the inner work first.
5 Steps to Overcome Your Fear of Love
- Awareness: Name the fears
2. Identify the origin: Where did you first experience the fear?
3. Interrogate the fear: Is it true, without a doubt? What if it wasn’t true, who would you become?
4. Replace the fear: What IS true? Name it. Step into that feeling.
5. Practice, practice, practice. When you face the fear and take action, the fear eventually becomes less scary.
It’s hard to do this work alone. If you’d like my support, fill out a breakthrough form, and let’s set up a complimentary 1/2 hour session to discuss how coaching can help you find the love you deserve.