How to Prepare Your Brain for More Fun in Dating 

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife | 0 comments

If you want to have more fun in dating, listen to this podcast episode with Dr. Elaine Goldhammer. Get ready to enjoy dating so much more!

Want to have more fun in dating? Elaine Goldhammer, MD, is a physician turned hypnotherapist and life coach who works with clients’ subconscious and conscious brains. Her practice helps clients get past their inner struggles to live lives with less anxiety, fear, and reactivity.

In this episode of Last First Date Radio:

  • How to make dating more fun
  • The biggest lessons learned when dating after divorce
  • How to prepare your brain for more fun in dating
  • How hypnotherapy helps heal trauma and makes dating better

EP 532: Elaine Goldhammer – How to Prepare Your Brain for More Fun in Dating

How was my podcast a lifesaver for you in your personal life?

I was divorced at 51 with three kids, two in high school, one on the way to college. I felt alone. No one was talking about divorce at work or in my life. Hearing that others had gone through this really helped. You gave me permission to seek out men without advanced degrees. There are a lot of smart, good men without advanced degrees. I also learned not to diminish my accomplishments.You want to scare away people who are intimidated by your accomplishments. I love when you have men on the podcast. One said a lot of men don’t have close friends or people who listen or compliment them. I learned to compliment more.

My biggest lesson was that men were not interested in saving me. I realized I wanted companionship, not saving.

What can people do to prepare their brains for more fun in dating?

Knowing yourself and what you want are key. We often look to another person to prove we’re lovable. I teach that when you’re born, you’re lovable. Decide that you’re the juiciest peach on the tree. Realize that not everyone likes peaches. That makes it so much easier to date and have fun. You’re then asking yourself “Will we have fun and connect?”

In midlife, your needs for a partner probably have changed. Figure out what you want and need now. And be the things you’re seeking in a partner. 

How can someone know if they’re dating for fun, for a long-term relationship, or whether they’re even ready to start dating?

You have to figure out what you want before jumping into dating. Do you want companionship? Someone to save you? All dating starts as casual, so why not make it fun and an adventure. It is time consuming, so make sure you have the time and create an intention of dating. If you casually date first, a long term partner will become more obvious over time.

To make it fun: Create the narrative that it will be fun instead of ‘dating is hard’. Say to yourself, “This is my next adventure. It will be fun.” Joy is one of the most important things to foster.  

What is a “manual,” and why is it getting in the way of more fun dating?

We all have a manual or list of how we expect people to be. If they don’t follow our manual, we take it as an insult. For example, if someone doesn’t do what we want, we think they don’t care. The issue is, you give all your power away if you rely on another person to fulfill your manual and make you happy. People don’t know your manual, so it’s easy to be disappointed. 

Throw away the manual and let them be human. In the long run, are you enhancing each other’s lives? 

How does hypnotherapy heal trauma and help people get into the flow of a date?

Our subconscious mind creates narratives based on childhood experiences. We learn early on how to be loved. You rely on your caretakers to love you, but with crappy parenting, we don’t learn how to attach in a healthy way. In hypnotherapy, we heal our childhood wounds and change our narrative to positive and safe. It makes it so much easier to drop the ‘manuals’ and decide what your narrative is going to be.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Drop the societal expectations and tap into what you want. Keep your radar open to someone who is enhancing your life rather than saving you or providing for you. Who brings out the best in you? Do you laugh? How do you feel with them? Allow the relationship to evolve. 

Watch this episode on YouTube


Go to Elaine’s website https://elainegoldhammer.com and take the quiz about finding the subconscious patterns that are holding you back.

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find your last first date, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy https://lastfirstdate.com/application

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