How to Set Clear Boundaries in Love and Life

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

boundaries in love

When you set clear boundaries in love and life, you preserve your dignity and self-respect. In this video, we show you how.

What are boundaries and how will setting them change your life? Boundaries are our emotional self-defense. They teach people how to treat you. They keep us safe and sane. When you set clear boundaries in love and in life, you preserve your dignity and self-respect. You show your value as a person when you can say ‘no’ to what doesn’t work for you and ‘yes’ to what does.

My smart friend and colleague, Bobbi Palmer, and I created a Blab video about boundaries for our monthly Blab on dating and relationships. We go live the first Thursday of every month at 12 PM Pacific, 3 PM Eastern. Please join us!

How to Set Clear Boundaries in Love and Life

Here’s a brief outline of what we covered.

Step 1: Get clear on what you want/need in life and love. Make a list of what you will and won’t do in dating/relationships.

Examples of Setting Personal Boundaries: 

  • I will not sleep with someone until _______ happens.
  • I will be open to dating _______ types of men.
  • I will be open to dating a man who lives _______ distance from me.
  • I will be open to dating men who are _________ years older/younger.

Step 2: How to clearly and kindly set boundaries.

Examples of Clear Boundaries You Set for Him: 

  • No texting anything except facts and non-emotional information.
  • I am uncomfortable being touched or kissed before I’ve developed more trust.
  • I don’t want to be a pen pal in online dating.
  • I want to meet for coffee or a drink for a first date (not a 3-hour hike, not a fancy 5-course meal).
  • I will kindly end the date when it’s going on too long.


Step 3: Observe what happens next. How does he respond to your boundary setting?

Quick boundary scripts, things you can say in tough situations.

  • I’m not comfortable with _________.
  • That doesn’t work for me.
  • Ouch.


Watch the video to learn more about the importance of boundaries in love and in life, with tips and tools you can start using today.

Please leave a comment below and let me know how this information has helped you, and what struggles you’ve had with boundary-setting.


Setting Your Boundaries in Love and in Life




  1. Am I in Another Emotionally Abusive Relationship? - Last First Date | Last First Date - […] In both of these cases, you are not setting clear boundaries for how you want to be treated. Figure…

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