How You Deal with Crisis = How You Succeed at Dating

Posted by in love after 40 | 0 comments

“God gives us joy, that we may give; He gives us joy, that we may share; Sometimes He gives us loads to lift, that we may learn to bear.

For life is gladder when we give, and love is sweeter when we share; and heavy loads rest lightly too, when we have learned to bear.”  

 – Author unknown

Last night I was searching through my saved emails. I came across the above poem, sent to me by a remarkable woman I met a few years ago. ‘Claire’ had bravely weathered the grueling trials of a brain tumor.

I was struck by two things: her great attitude about life and her courage in the face of crisis. In spite of what she and her family have been through, she continues to be positive and hopeful.

How does someone like Claire remain upbeat when they’ve come so close to death? I can only speak from my own experience.

My first child, Avi, was born with a genetic disease, Fanconi Anemia. He had 17 surgeries in his first two years of his life. I don’t have to tell you that when your child suffers, you suffer deeply. Somehow I found the resolve to keep on advocating for him, even when I would have been happier to just take a long nap…

Sadly, Avi died of a brain tumor just shy of his fifth birthday. We did all we could to help our little boy. At the end, we couldn’t control the outcome.

I have no regrets. No ‘what if’s’. Avi made his mark on the world, however short his life was.

He was a warm, sweet, loving boy. His laughter was contagious. He brought joy to many. And he forever touched my life ~ in a good way.

Avi taught me that I rise up when the chips are down. He taught me that I am naturally intuitive about medicine; even without a medical background. I was often mistaken for a nurse or doctor by the medical personell.

Having lost a son, I have an understanding of others who are going through a major medical crisis. I understand loss. I know what it is to persevere, even if the ending is not what you ever hoped for.

I have my son to thank for giving me a new perspective on what really matters. Having dealt with life and death, I don’t give much attention to the small stuff.

When something doesn’t go my way, such as in my dating life, I am okay.

I know that G-d has plans that I am not clued in on, but it’s all part of the plan.

And so, like Claire, I look at what works, not what I can’t control. I focus on what I’ve learned, not ‘why me?’.

It’s not always easy to be positive. I am human. I get frustrated and wonder what plans G-d has for me, and just how much He’s laughing at my foibles.

Most of the time, though, I focus on what’s working. I am so grateful for the blessings in my life.

I remain optimistic and hopeful. “For life is gladder when we give, and love is sweeter when we share; and heavy loads rest lightly too, when we have learned to bear.”  

I believe that it is through learning from the pain of our past, we can let go of the hurt and grow from the experience.

My hope for you is that you continue to grow, and to have faith that if you learn from your pain and apply those lessons, good things will come your way.




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