How Your Dating Quotient Affects Your Love Life
Yesterday’s Last First Date Radio guest was Steve Penner, AKA “Your Profile Doctor”. Steve has worked with single, divorced, and widowed men and women as both a Matchmaker and Dating Coach. In 1982, he founded the Boston-based dating service LunchDates, interviewing and matching up over 25,000 singles. In 2005, he sold LunchDates and began writing a syndicated newspaper column titled “The Truth about Dating,” passing on the insights and observations he had absorbed at LunchDates. He was then hired by eharmony.com, and served as the primary Matchmaker for the company’s “Personal Matchmaker Service.” Steve now works as “Your Profile Doctor,” advising singles on how to play the on-line dating game. Steve spoke to me about how improving your dating quotient can improve your love life. I have loosely transcribed the highlights of the show. Enjoy!
How Your Dating Quotient Affects Your Love Life
Sandy: Exactly what do you mean by the term “Dating Quotient?”
Steve: When I started LunchDates in 1982, I found men and women making the same mistakes over and over. I could interview someone and predict how they would do on LunchDates and in the single world. The dating quotient is an assessment on how well you’ll do in dating. Who you are and who you’re looking for should be a good fit. Most people are unrealistic in their search for love.
Sandy: What kinds of questions do you ask to find out a person’s dating quotient?
Steve: I would ask them how important is ______ to you? The two categories that people don’t compromise enough on are height and age.
Take height for example: A man says he wants to date someone who’s over 5’6”. He eliminates all women 5’5 1/2″ and under. There may be a wonderful match for him in the lower height range, and he will miss her if he sticks to this criteria.
I encourage people to be more flexible in one criteria or another.
Sandy: Is a person’s Dating Quotient quantifiable?
Steve: Yes, especially in the height requirements. According to the research I’ve done, 90% of all people said they want to date someone with an even number of feet/inches – at least 5’10”, 6’, but not an odd number like 5’9″. A one-inch difference might be easier to match up. I like to tell people who want to date a man who’s 6’ tall, that instead of feet, think in inches, like 72”. Would you date someone who’s 70”? Most would say yes! But if you asked if they’d date someone who is 5’10”, they’d say no.
We get a lot of our dating patterns from high school. I recently went to my 50th high school reunion. Most popular girls and guys from high school were divorced. When you’re young and people are throwing themselves at you, you may not develop a warm, compromising personality, which is essential for making a relationship work.
Another interesting finding was about age. When men and women state the age range they’re willing to meet, they usually answer in digits that end in 5 or 0. When you’re being matched by a computer, like on Match.com and eharmony.com, you might eliminate certain matches in either direction. I suggest people go up or down by a few years to widen their search.
The absolute worst age for a woman to turn is 37, because 35 is the top age for many single never married men.
The worst age for a man to turn is 42 or 52. People are flexible by one year, not two.
I write about the ‘mid-thirties power flip’. Women have the edge into their early thirties. This all changes at age 35. Then, men have the advantage. Men are more in demand in their 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s.
A good example of that is Sex and the City. At the beginning of the show, Carrie, Charlotte and Miranda were in their late twenties, and they got the guys. By their mid-30’s, the power flip happened. Charlotte married the short bald jewish guy who she never would have dated if she had met him at the beginning of the series.
I feel that people get married too young. Dating is a terrible practice for marriage. It doesn’t prepare you for marriage. In dating, you dress up, go to the theater, and have fun. Successful marriages are largely about how you deal with problems. Crisis happens. The real indication for a good marriage is how you deal with problems together.
Sandy: How can someone raise their Dating Quotient?
Steve: By being more flexible on the subjective things.
Age: a woman who is 5’2” who would be willing to meet a guy who is 5”4” and up, her dating quotient would go way up.
Also it’s important for men and women to have their own interests and friends. One of the biggest mistakes with couples is dropping friends after marriage.
Men don’t date only the most good looking women. According to my polls, a woman’s eyes and smile are most important.
Sandy: What if people don’t want to make the type of changes in their dating priorities that you suggest?
Steve: I suggest that if they are still single after many years of dating, don’t blame the online dating sites, the coach, men, etc. It’s you. Change your preferences or stop complaining.
To hear the entire show, click here.
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