Hung Up On Looks? That’s Not Her Biggest Problem…

Posted by in dating in midlife, single women over 40 | 0 comments

hung up on looksDear Sandy,

I am almost 74 yrs old and feel like 50, and have been told I look very young. I will be married 53 yrs this May to a nice guy, but over the yrs things changed as in most marriages.  My main problem is that I have met a great guy who is 63 (age does not matter), he lives in Maine and I live in Florida.  I HAVE ONE MAJOR HANGUP my entire life.  I have always dated men that are tall and cutesy/not bad looking.  However this man in Maine who i have been corresponding with for yrs is 5’8 and on the heavy side.  He is a professional chef and graduated culinary school yrs ago and is smart.  Every day, several times a day he sends me love letters (yes, he is still married but nothing there also) confessing how much he adores me, wants to take care of me and marry me.  I have no question about his deep feelings for me.  My problem is that I am hung up on looks.  His looks are not what I care for. Put that aside, he is terrific.  I was raised this way, my family was critical and if my sis was to meet this guy one day she would think i lost my mind.  How do I get past this and go on with my life with him? I miss him all the time.

My other problem is what people have to say, and at my age, I know it’s time to say, ‘the hell with them’, but how do I do that? 

This guy knows how I feel and worries I won’t accept him due to his looks. I know its not how someone looks, its whats inside a person. I already lost someone after knowing him over 14 yrs cause of my feelings on looks.

I HAVE A HANGUP ABOUT THAT AND THAT IS MY PROBLEM.  Any advice u can share would be greatly appreciated more then u know.  I love this guy in Maine and it all boils down to his looks. Help! Please answer as soon as possible because this is eating me up.



Dear Marilyn,

I’ll make this short and to the point.

Your biggest problem is not that you care what other people say.

Your biggest problem is not that you’re hung up on the looks of a man ten years younger than you.

Your biggest problem, Marilyn, is that you’re still married and so is your love interest. What are you doing? And it’s obvious from your letter that this is not the first man you’ve ‘dated’ while married.

If you want to date men ten years younger or ten pounds lighter, leave your husband. And guess what? Looks don’t matter as much as integrity, compatibility, and shared values.

Still hung up on looks?


My advice to you is to get out of a bad marriage and seek counseling so that you’re mentally healthy when you’re ready to date again. You’ll stop caring so much about what other people think when you’re okay with how you’re living your own life.

Come back to me when you’re divorced, living in integrity, when you’re in a better place, and I’ll answer any of your dating questions. Okay?

Best of luck to you.




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