I Would Never Have Picked Her: love in a surprise package

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

I believe that the best couples are often people who imagined their perfect guy/girl entirely differently. Some of my closest friends who are happily married were surprised to find that their vision for their ideal mate fell to the wayside when they met their spouse. That guy who wasn’t their dream look, didn’t have their idea of a dream job, didn’t live in their ideal location, turned out to be their dream husband. This article is about being open to love showing up in a surprise package.

This morning, I read a success story on an online dating site. I am sharing it with you because I think it’s important to keep an open mind as to the person you might end up with.  I’ve changed the names to protect their privacy.

Love in a surprise package

Don contacted me in December 2008 , explaining that he was contacting me not because he thought we were a good match, but because he admired my profile, and wanted to wish me well in my continued search.  Don was very supportive and genuine, and I wrote back that I really appreciated his giving me encouragement.  I thought that would be the end of our communication, but I heard from him again, and within a month’s time, we were talking on the phone.  We enjoyed talking to each other and joked about meeting each other, but Don was hesitant to come to CA to meet me because of the reasons he thought made us unsuitable for one another: A) We live 3,000 miles apart. B) Our familial/religious backgrounds are very different (I am a convert to Judaism and he was born a Jew). C) I want to have more children, and he is “ready for grandchildren.”

From January 2009 to June 2009, we had occasional phone conversations and became friends, both supporting each other through disappointing events and sharing information about our lives and histories that were quite personal.  In June 2009 I called Don fully expecting to wish him congratulations on an engagement, as he had been dating a woman close to home with whom he seemed to be an excellent match.  However, the relationship did not work out, and the phone conversation was humorous  and lengthy, with Don expressing his joy related to his son’s recent engagement and the fact that I called him.  He wondered out loud why he did not just get on a plane to CA to meet me. I said I thought we should meet, and over the next few weeks, we talked daily on the phone, shared more pictures with one another, and finalized plans to meet in CA on July 23, 2009.

During our phone conversations, Don said he knew that I would be very good for him, and I came to an awareness that Don was the nicest guy I had encountered while dating after my divorce and that I felt like he truly cared about me.  Our differences were beginning to melt away as we discovered that we share the same core values and want basically the same things out of life.  Also, we felt very comfortable with one another.  Don said he would actually want to have more children with me, and I could imagine making adjustments in my religious observance and moving to NY because Don is worth it.

We met, and discovered that we had excellent chemistry, genuine trust, and respect for one another.  On a subsequent trip to CA, Don met my son who has autism, and was not deterred by this challenge.  I also met Don’s children, and the children and other relatives met each other.  On Dec. 23, 2009, Don proposed to me!  Our wedding will be on June 13, 2010 in Brooklyn, NY.  We both feel extremely fortunate, blessed, honored, and happy to be with one another, and are excitedly anticipating our lives together as husband and wife.  I am living proof that a 40 year-old convert to Judaism with a disabled son can find the man of her dreams.

Over a year ago Don told Cara she would know her prince charming when she found him. They both didn’t realize it would be him.

Cara hopes her story will inspire others to keep trying, especially when the search for a compatible mate seems discouraging and even hopeless.  Continue to have hope and be the best person you can be.  Be open to your love showing up in a surprise package. You never know!


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