How to Inspire Your Man to Cherish You
My radio guest, retired Navy SEAL, Darek Laviolette, shared what woke him up after his divorce, and how you can inspire your man to cherish you.
My radio guest, Darek Laviolette, is a retired Navy SEAL with 24 years of service, 9 combat deployments, and has a Bronze Star with Valor. But, the work he is most proud of is helping couples through rough spots in their marriages. No pain of Hell week compared to losing his family after his divorce. He finds it ironic that his “loss” has helped so many find fulfillment in their marriages. He wrote a book called A SEAL to Heal Your Marriage; designed as an operational guide to help a man get it right in his relationship. It is dedicated as an apology to his ex-wife and children.
Darek shared what woke him up after his divorce, and how you can inspire your man to cherish you. Highlights of the show below.
How to Inspire Your Man to Cherish You
What woke you up, Darek?
[Before my divorce], I had a very limited scope as to how I saw the world. I wanted my ex-wife to see the world the way I wanted her to see it [not the way she actually saw it]. I have two children, and my wife was ready to leave. I was grasping at how to make sense of being a complete failure in the relationship. didn’t want to ask for help, and I wasn’t ready to face being a failure in my relationship.
The wakeup was when I was able to see the world through my ex-wife’s lens. In her perspective, I had shown her love five times in out eight year marriage. It was devastating. I was unaware of a woman’s needs and of the core things that a guy can do to make life infinitely more enjoyable for his woman.
You say the man is responsible to repair the broken marriage, What would you say to women to help inspire your man and have the relationship you want?
If a man understands that a woman is driven by core needs for emotional and financial security, that will help improve the relationship. [When she knows he’s there for her in that way], she can be fun-loving and joyful.
For a man, sexual intimacy and respect are everything. She hears through a different filter. If she feels threatened, [she will not open her heart to him or respect him]. Animosity builds.
If he understands that he has to articulate his feelings in a way that she can hear, intimacy grows.
How do you tie in lessons learned in the SEAL teams to marriage advice?
1. There are 15 things most couples fight about. Write down your top 5 hot buttons. Write your name on one side and your spouse’s [or partner’s] name on the other side. Write a short phrase about what you each think about the issue. You need about 6 things that you see eye to eye on for a relationship to succeed.
2. If you’re in a situation where you’ve lost the ability to communicate with your partner, it helps to understand each other’s personality type. If she’s easy going, she likes things that are easy, respectful, and routine. I am more dynamic and like fun, anything goes, and I don’t need schedules. Meet your partner where they are.
3. If a man is criticizing his spouse’s family, stop it immediately and find good things to say about them. Even if she hates her parents. She’s a product of her family. When you talk about her family, you talk about her, and she feels judged. Appreciate how she’s risen above.
You can find Darek’s book at http://asealtohealyourmarriage.com
Listen to the show on Blog Talk Radio here.
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