Learning to Trust Again

Posted by in dating after divorce, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Have you once again opened up your heart to trust a man, only to have him pull away and become distant? Do you feel like you can’t trust a man again?  I believe you can learn to trust again. It will take time and a degree of faith, but a good relationship is possible with the right skills.
Ten Tips to Building Trust Again

1) Seek out acknowledgement. Find two or three good friends and ask them to tell you what they love about you. It helps to remember that you are lovable after someone breaks your heart.

2) Get support. Talk to a good therapist or relationship/dating coach and get some perspective on what happened. Do you keep attracting the wrong type of guy? Find out how to break patterns.

3) Get fit. After the initial ‘grieving’ period, don’t stay home and mope. Get out and exercise. The endorphins will make you happier.

4) Do what you love. Is there a hobby you’ve neglected? Now is the time to take that photography/painting/horseback riding class you’ve always wanted to take. You will become busy with things you enjoy doing, which will take your mind off of your ex.

5) Wait. Don’t jump right back into dating until you’ve healed for the right amount of time. If you were dating your ex for a year or more, wait at least a year. For a shorter relationship, a few months is okay. The reason? If you date again without properly healing yourself emotionally, you might make the same mistakes on the rebound and fall for someone for all the wrong reasons. Healthier you = a healthier relationship.

6) Strengthen your intuition. When you’re ready, get back out there and date, but use your intuition to discern a better match for yourself. Look for compatible values vs. the external package.

7) Know your non-negotiable points. Make a list of five things that are not negotiable. Use that list in finding a great guy. If having children is not negotiable for you and the man doesn’t want kids, don’t get involved with him and try to change his mind over time. Your heart is likely to get broken again. You meet a great guy who lives across the country and neither of you are willing to relocate? It’s probably not going to work, no matter how strong the attraction.

8) Take smaller steps. If you meet someone you’re interested in, take your time in developing the relationship. Don’t have two hour phone conversations. Don’t send lengthy emails right away. Value yourself by reserving the most precious parts of you until you’re ready. Don’t let yourself feel pressured into anything you’re not comfortable with.

9) Wait three months before becoming sexually active. Once you sleep with someone, your expectations change. Your heart can become much more vulnerable. Again, take baby steps sexually. Deepen your relationship before you take this big step. Make it important and special.

10) Know your non-negotiable points. Make a list of five things that are not negotiable. Use that list in finding a great guy. If having children is not negotiable for you and the man doesn’t want kids, don’t get involved with him and try to change his mind over time. Your heart is likely to get broken again. You meet a great guy who lives across the country and neither of you is willing to relocate? It’s probably not going to work, no matter how strong the attraction.

Most importantly: don’t give up your power for a man or for anyone else for that matter. A good relationship is one in which you feel mutual trust, admiration, and feel that you are learning as much as you are teaching each other. If those components are not there, keep looking. Don’t give up your power to a man you don’t trust. But take time to choose wisely, and slowly build trust. A slow build will usually prevent a crash and burn.

Comments

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

AlphaOmega Captcha Classica  –  Enter Security Code
     
 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.