Learning to Trust And Let Go of Fear
You’ve been hurt in the past. Learning to trust and let go of fear can be difficult. Antia and Brody Boyd show you how to go on your last first date!
My podcast guests, Antia & Brody Boyd, have been helping thousands of successful single women all over the world for over a decade magnetize the man of their dreams by learning to trust, and let go of fear and disappointments.
Antia studied Personality Psychology at U.C. Berkley, and Brody has a degree in Communications and Interpersonal Relationships. They have been international keynote speakers on hundreds of stages, TV and radio shows all over the world, including Google, Harvard University, America Trends TV, and Good Morning San Diego.
Check out the show notes for episode #319: Learning to Trust Again, with Antia and Brody Boyd.
Learning to Trust And Let Go of Fear
What inspired you both to get into this work of helping single women find love?
Antia: Right now, I have the man of my dreams. I grew up in Eastern Germany to an emotionally unavailable mother. I wasn’t told “I love you”. As a consequence, I never wanted to bother anyone. I remember at 18-months old, I went to my mother, and she said, “Don’t bother me”. I took that sentence into my dating life. I developed a coping mechanism to be independent, and was food shopping by myself at 8 years old. I attracted emotionally unavailable men who also said, “don’t bother me”. If you want massive results, you have to take massive action.
So, I left Germany, and studied psych at UC Berkeley, to get out of the pain I was carrying for so long. I had never been in a long term relationship. I began attracting quality men. Then, I hired a mentor to break through my vulnerability threshold. Within a couple of months, I met the amazing man I’m with today.
Brody: I grew up with a controlling mother telling me what I could and couldn’t do. My heart closed off. I didn’t have great masculine role models, either. I was not emotional, unable to open up. My relationships were not great. I wasn’t able to give women what they wanted. After a big breakup, I became deeply depressed, and I vowed to never feel that way again. I started to learn as much as I could. I spent over $10,000 on workshops, and I hired a mentor who guided me on the path to attract the amazing Antia. We met at a workshop in Hawaii. I told her the night I met her, she was the woman of my story, my ideal woman. I also told her we had a huge responsibility to humanity, to impact people’s lives.
What do you see as the biggest trust obstacles to overcome?
Antia: There has to be a willingness to let go of control. Your ability to attract is proportional to your ability to be wrong. You project so much onto men, and you won’t be able to break out of it. Anxious women need certainty. Even if it’s a disastrous outcome. Their story of reality is different. What do you want? And what are you willing to accept? When I met Brody, my system was used to drama, and I resisted him. I thought, he’s too skinny, too young, too busy. We make excuses from our ego.
I mentioned in the beginning about my vulnerability threshold. Mine was not high. I wasn’t used to feeling so worthy and feeling love.
Learning to trust is also about trusting yourself. If you’re not authentic, you won’t find love. Many women share horrific stories of their childhood with me. Then, they laugh. There’s nothing to laugh about. But, if you feel sad, and you laugh to the outside world, you’re not being vulnerable or aligned. Men live emotionally through us, and we allow men to live through us when we’re emotionally expressed.
We did a shadow ceremony before our wedding, expressing our deepest darkest secrets and fears, which created a deep level of profound trust to create our life vows at our wedding.
Brody: From a man’s perspective, we can feel when there’s something off with a woman. When men can’t ‘feel’ a woman, because she’s not in her own authentic emotion, the man doesn’t feel safe expressing his emotions with her. It takes courage to take that risk.
For people who are first learning to trust again and struggling, what do you recommend?
Antia: Look at small lies you’re telling yourself or to others, and start to clean that up. Lean into the short term tension vs. the long term belief of not having to feel shame. This brings more and more to your self-esteem ‘bank account’. Every time someone asks how you are, and you say, “I’m good” when you’re not, you take away from your self-esteem bank account.
If you feel something is not quite right, sit with it. Acknowledgment opens up something for you. Especially sitting with the unknown.
Brody: I had a closed-off heart, and after my breakup, I was hesitant to get hurt again, and I didn’t trust a lot. I closed my heart, and what helped me start trusting again was to have the courage to look at true emotions; both positive and negative. What do you really want? If you could paint the ideal person and relationship, get excited about it and present to it. Look at the negative emotions. What is it costing you? When you embrace your deepest fears, and have the courage to go to the positive and negative emotions, you will build trust in yourself and men.
Please share a final tip to help others go on their last first date.
Brody: Be willing to face your deepest fear. Joseph Campbell said, ‘The cave you most fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek’. Whether it’s fear of hiring a coach or setting aside the time to meet quality men, or be wrong about your story that there are no good men, you can have love, be happy, and meet the great men out there. Face your fears.
Antia: If you found your man today, what are you afraid of? Maybe you fear you’re too powerful, and you’re afraid of your power.
Book a Magnetize the Man clarity call with Antia and Brody here.
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