Lessons on Love from Mary Kennedy’s Death

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 4 comments

Mary Kennedy seemed to have it all; married to a Kennedy, two beautiful children, an idyllic life in a sprawling mansion, incredible friends, stunning good looks, and an actively brilliant mind. She was found hanging in her barn on Thursday, only 52-years old, leaving her two children, 11 and 17, without a mother. Did Mary Kennedy really have it all? What was missing?

On the cusp of a divorce from Bobby Kennedy, Mary suffered from depression, drug and alcohol addiction.

What a sad loss, someone so young, with so much promise.

When I learned of her death, I couldn’t help but think about my clients; beautiful, smart, living full active lives, but they don’t see themselves like I see them.

Many of them think they can’t find love because they’re not enough. They think they’re too old, too overweight, not smart enough or witty enough. Like Mary Kennedy, they seem to have it all, yet they can’t find love. What’s missing?

Deep down, what matters most is not what you think.

Your self-esteem chooses your mate. Not your looks, brains, or wealth.

Look at Mary Kennedy. You would think she had it all. Yet, her marriage wasn’t working. She wasn’t happy. She was addicted to alcohol and drugs.

I am not comparing a woman with an addiction and/or mental illness with a healthy woman. I understand depression very well, having been raised by a father with debilitating depression.

What I am saying here is that the outside packaging matters much less than what’s inside you. Your essence, your soul, your attitude matter most in forming healthy relationships and attracting a wonderful man.

Focus on your strengths, your inner beauty.

A woman sent me a Facebook message yesterday, “I’m a two time loser. I had a husband who cheated on me and was engaged to a narcissist.”

This is victim-talk. She is beautiful, smart, and has a great personality. And if she thinks of herself as a loser, she will continue to attract the same kinds of men into her life; men who treat her like the loser she thinks she is. Not the self-respectful, dignified woman she can learn to be.

I am so excited to begin my 6-week online course on dating after divorce. The course starts on Monday night, and the first week is all about loving yourself. This is step number one in attracting a healthy relationship.

There’s still time to join. I have a few spots open. But hurry, registration closes on Saturday night. Find out more information here.

Have a great weekend.





  1. Great post – love the line: Your self-esteem chooses your mate. Not your looks, brains, or wealth. So true for many aspects of our lives.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Thank you for your kind words, Mindy. And yes, this statement about self-esteem applies to all aspects of our success in life.

  3. Thanks for the post Sandy… I agree it’s all about how we see ourselves… I know you meant it differently, but I think deep down what matters most IS what we think… about ourselves… ­čśë

  4. Yes, Sid, I agree that how we see ourselves AND think about ourselves matters most. Our thoughts determine our actions. And our actions can sometimes change our beliefs. Thank you for your thoughts.

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