Live a Values-Based Life to Attract the Best Partner

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

attract the right partner

If you want to attract the best partner, you must live a values-based life. 

David Rachford is the host of The Better Human Show a podcast that focuses on living a “strong second half” of life focusing on Health & Fitness, Relationships, and Giving Back. A graduate from the school of hard knocks, David is a Navy Veteran who lost his health to injury and addiction, then battled back by becoming a yoga instructor and health mentor by losing 65 pounds and keeping it off. He lives in Santa Barbara, California, where he enjoys fitness activities and hiking with his Norwegian Lundehund, Nikolina.

David joined me on Last First Date Radio to speak about the importance of living a values-based life to attract the best partner. Highlights of the show below.

Live a Values-Based Life to Attract the Best Partner


Why is it important to know your motivations in life and relationships? 

When I was divorced about eight years ago, the first thing I did was upload a profile. I was only divorced about one week! I was so needy. I cringe thinking about how I dated at that time. I did learn from my experience. I hadn’t yet identified my values. I was all about fun and validation.

As a military firefighter, I was trained to move towards fire, the thing that most people fear. When I left my marriage, I feared being alone. I quickly fell into a relationship that wasn’t right. We were both on the rebound. But she was older and had two grown kids. We had a lot of fun and good chemistry, but when I examined my values, I realized we couldn’t build a relationship based on shared values. She wasn’t fully available for the relationship I wanted. 

After letting that relationship go, I didn’t date anyone more than three times for about three years. I was afraid I’d be alone forever. But I knew I’d meet someone out in the real world. And eventually, I did.

Why is it hard for so many people to find someone they really want to be with?

They’re probably not being true to their values. Once I became aligned with my core values of health and fitness, finding the right relationship was easier, because I had the cornerstone value to base it on. Self-care was key for me. It’s a practice to maintain.

How do you identify your core values?

Go back to when you were a kid. What did you love doing? I always benefited from hard workouts as a kid. I was on the swim team. I developed a value for hard work and physical activity. Another was reading, especially a mystery series. I thought, “I’ve always liked writing. That would be a neat way to earn a living.”

Find what was really important to you that filled your soul when you were young and those are your core values. 

What do you mean by “living congruently?”

Congruent means ‘in alignment with’. You know what your values are and make decisions about what you do based on those values. In my life, I value health and fitness, and there was a point where I drifted away from that value. I gained a lot of extra weight and allowed myself to become a victim of my own choices; pre-diabetes and obesity. 


I agree with David; live a congruent life and you’ll attract your most aligned partner.

Listen to the entire podcast here.

Subscribe, rate and review on iTunes here.


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