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Love Lessons Learned From Crisis | Last First Date

Love Lessons Learned From Crisis

Posted by in love after 40 | 2 comments

Avi“God gives us joy that we may give; He gives us joy that we may share; Sometimes He gives us loads to lift, that we may learn to bear.

For life is gladder when we give, and love is sweeter when we share; and heavy loads rest lightly too, when we have learned to bear.”  

 – Author unknown 


I recently came across the above poem, sent to me by a remarkable woman I met a few years ago. ‘Claire’ had bravely weathered the grueling trials of a brain tumor.

I was struck by two things: her great attitude about life and her courage in the face of crisis. In spite of what she and her family have been through, she continues to be positive and hopeful.

Lessons Learned From Crisis

How does someone like Claire remain upbeat when they’ve come so close to death? I can only speak from my own experience.

My first child, Avi, was born with a genetic disease, Fanconi Anemia. He had 17 surgeries in his first two years of his life. I don’t have to tell you that when your child suffers, you suffer deeply. Somehow I found the resolve to keep on advocating for him, even when I would have been happier to just take a long nap…

Avi died of a brain tumor just shy of his fifth birthday. Today marks the 22nd anniversary of his death. We did all we could to help our little boy. At the end, we couldn’t control the outcome.

I have no regrets, no ‘what ifs’

Avi made his mark on the world, however short his life was.

He was a warm, sweet, loving boy. His laughter was contagious. He brought joy to many. And he forever touched my life ~ in a great way.

  • Avi taught me that I rise up when the chips are down.
  • He taught me that I am naturally intuitive about medicine; even without a medical background. I was often mistaken for a nurse or doctor by the medical personell.
  • Having lost a son, I have an understanding of others who are going through a major medical crisis. I understand loss. I know what it is to persevere, even if the ending is not what you hoped for.
  • I have my son to thank for giving me a new perspective on what really matters. Having dealt with life and death, I don’t give much attention to the small stuff.

When something doesn’t go my way, like in my dating life, I am okay.

I know that G-d has plans that I am not clued in on, but it’s all part of the plan.

And so, like Claire, I look at what works, not what I can’t control. I focus on what I’ve learned, not ‘why me?’.

It’s not always easy to be positive. I am human. I get frustrated and wonder what plans G-d has for me, and just how much He’s laughing at my foibles.

Most of the time, though, I focus on what’s working. I am so grateful for the blessings in my life.

I remain optimistic and hopeful.

“For life is gladder when we give, and love is sweeter when we share; and heavy loads rest lightly too, when we have learned to bear.”  

I believe that when we learn from the pain of a crisis, we can eventually let go of the hurt and grow from the experience.

As I said the Kaddish prayer for my son in Synagogue this morning, I took a moment to be grateful for the gift that Avi has been in my life. Being his parent made me a better woman.

What crisis have you overcome, and what life lessons are you now able to apply in your life today? Please share your comments below.

To grab a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” click here.





  1. An amazing article – sure did leave his mark. We’ll light a candle.

  2. Thanks so much for your heartfelt thoughts. Much appreciated. xox

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