Marriage Advice: 101 Ways to Have a Sexy Marriage

Posted by in dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

happy marriageLast week’s radio guest, Steve Schloss, has generously shared his list of 101 ways to have a sexy marriage. I am thrilled to share this valuable marriage advice with you. Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or dating to find love, this list will help you have a more successful (and sexier) relationship. Please let me know if you found his tips helpful.



The Schloss List of 101 Ways to Have a Sexy Marriage 

© 2013 The Man’s Secret to a Happy and Sexy Marriage in Less Than 10 Minutes a Day 

by Steve Schloss 

Women need to feel connected to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel connected.

– Steve Schloss

Having a sexy marriage is not just about having sex. It is about your wife feeling appreciated, adored, accepted and admired by you, her man. It is about her having the same feelings of respect and love for you that she had when you first started dating. It is about being flirty, romantic, and showing her how much you love her on a day to day basis.

With the divorce rate of second marriages being even higher than first marriages, don’t think that the grass is necessarily always greener by leaving and finding someone else. You selected your wife because you had a special chemistry. That chemistry may be suppressed right now, but take my word, it is far better to try and fix your relationship than to go through a terrible divorce. Your problems could be the same or even worse when you settle down with someone else. Divorce may sound like an easy exit strategy, but I would hope that you make it your action of last resort. It is far better to focus on having a sexy life with the woman you married!

Now that you know your wife needs certain types of communication from you, let’s get even more specific. What things can you say or do for your wife that will make her have positive, warm feelings for you again? To have that sexy marriage, you need to address her sensuality using all of her senses. She needs to feel connected to you via touch, smell, sight, taste and sound. Think about it: what can you do to give your wife feelings of love by using all of her senses?

Remember when you first met your wife and how she got goose bumps of excitement when you touched her? Remember the sounds of passion she made when you kissed her? Remember how you spoke to her using the sexy tone of your voice? How about how each of you made a special effort to be clean, smell fresh and have delicious kisses? And let’s not forget how you spent extra time grooming yourself and picking out clothes when you were going to meet her.

The following list of “101 Ways to Have a Sexy Marriage” addresses all of the senses. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a sexy marriage. In fact, the most meaningful things you can do for your wife do not require any money at all. I have seen other lists of how to romance a woman including things like lavish trips. However, it doesn’t mean that she would feel any sexier toward you if you did them.

I have learned from experience that it is the day to day things that mean the most to a woman. This does not mean that you don’t wine and dine her on occasion. But as I have expressed earlier, it is daily consistency that matters the most in the world—especially to a woman. If you and your wife have built a great relationship due to daily expressions of love and caring, then a trip to her favorite place would further reinforce your love for each other. But you can’t expect a short-term vacation to heal long-term problems in a relationship.

As I state in my quotation at the top of the chapter, “women need to feel connected to have sex, and men need sex to feel connected”. As shared in the chapter on power, women have control over a man’s sexual satisfaction. And the way that the man earns love and admiration from a woman is by addressing her emotional needs first. When the man is selfless to a woman, she is selfless and loving in return. But the laws of nature make it that the man has the responsibility, and must take the initiative, to first create the loving, secure environment. And the interesting thing is the man that does this receives love, and sex, in return. And the more the man has wonderful, loving intimacy with his woman, the more he feels connected to her and wants to please her even more. In a truly wonderful, loving marriage, there is no thought of cheating or wandering, because the man knows in his heart that he has hit the jackpot of life. As the actor Paul Newman once quoted, when asked if he ever thought about cheating on his wife, actress Joanne Woodward: “Why fool around with hamburger when you have steak at home?” Well said!

From Married Roommates to Intimate Lovers 

A friend of mine, Eric, told me that his marriage was stagnant for a number of years. He and his wife, Liz, were so busy working and raising the kids that they became more like roommates. He was also challenged at work and did not make the type of money he needed to contribute to a comfortable family lifestyle. These issues turned what should have been a love nest in their bedroom into a battleground. Eric had a strong desire for sex with his wife, but he didn’t create the right environment for Liz to feel sexy towards him. Needless to say, their marriage was on the rocks.

So I shared with Eric some ideas from my “101 Ways to Have a Sexy Marriage” and Eric started to do some of them. At first, Liz was surprised to see his renewed interest in romancing her. She thought that he was just giving her “lip service” to try and get laid! He told her that he truly loved her and was sorry that he was neglectful of their relationship and her needs. As Eric continued to consistently be attentive to his wife, the love and romance once again blossomed for both of them. Were they having sex every day—of course not! But they let each other know that they loved each other every day. Their intimacy was not just fostered through sex but also through showing love to each other both inside as well as outside of the bedroom. Brings tears to my eyes!

Take your time reviewing the list, and note some things that you think will work for you. Remember, the key is to take action. You may see suggestions that spark other ideas that may work for you and your lady. Once you find something that really strikes a chord with your wife, think of other similar things that you can do with or for her. Consciously think of which senses she responds to the most. Even though we want to utilize all of the senses when being sexy, everyone has a specific sense that is more dominant and generates more of a response. Some women will react more positively to food, others to music or outdoor activities.

If you find your wife really enjoys dancing and it creates an atmosphere of fun and romance, try to take her dancing once a month. You can always find a live band or DJ on a Friday or Saturday night. If she likes romantic movies, rent a chick flick on the TV every few weeks, and serve popcorn with wine or champagne. If she likes art, every town has an art museum or galleries to enjoy for an afternoon. Keeping it simple is the way to go!

101 Ways to Have a Sexy Marriage 

1. When you are sitting in close proximity to your wife, but not right next to her, send a text message to her phone stating that you love her. Then wait for her response. When she replies back positively, send another text or two—having some fun with the game. You will hear her laughing as she reads your messages. Then after a few exchanges go over to her, give her a big kiss and tell her how much you love her!

2. Use words of endearment. Have you stopped calling your wife “sweetie,” “baby” or some other pet name? Reactivate those sincere words of love, and see how she reacts to you.

3. “The Schloss Buckle” – (a favorite for most). When you go to the car with your wife, don’t just open the door for her and then immediately go to your side of the car. Instead, after she sits down, grab her seat belt and reach across her body to buckle her in. Then give her a big hug and kiss and say “I love you”.

4. Go to bed at the same time. This sounds so simple, but it is very important to share time together in bed—the most intimate place in your house.

5. When you are with your wife in public but you are also talking to other people, make a loud enough comment about how special your wife is so that she can hear it too. It can be about a skill she has, what a wonderful mother she is, or even how supportive she is as a wife. Make eye contact with her and wink!

6. Take your wife to the movies and sit in the back row of the theater so that you can hug and kiss. This is not just for teenagers!

7. When you go to a restaurant, try and find a table where you can sit next to each other. There are many things you can do above and below the table to show love and build anticipation for when you get home

8. Hold hands in public, and don’t forget to kiss her hand too. It is so romantic and a great way to stay emotionally connected to your wife.

9. Show lots of PDA (public displays of affection) when you are in public areas, and you feel comfortable (e.g. holding hands, kissing and even grabbing her butt).

10. Buy cinnamon, and have it in the house. Have cinnamon potpourri or a cinnamon candle in your bedroom. Vanilla is also a great scent for the senses. These are considered aphrodisiacs.

11. Call you wife during the day and tell her how much you miss her and can’t wait to hug her when you get home. Don’t talk about sex unless she starts to do it first, otherwise you will come across as just wanting sex. Remember, this is all about HER!

12. Break the Saturday night routine and do something that you haven’t done in years like dancing or going to a concert.

13. Prepare a bubble bath for her either at home or at a hotel. If the tub is large enough, after a few minutes ask if you can join in. Then have fun with the bubbles! P.S. if the bathtub has jets, just use them for a second or you will have bubbles all over the floor!

14. Plan a night in bed watching a chick flick of her choice. Romantic movies bring out romantic emotions!

15. Sing to her on the phone or in person. Women love to be serenaded, no matter how bad your voice or how poorly you carry a tune. They just love be romanced, and this is a great way to do it.

16. Go up to your wife and whisper in her ear how much you love her.

17. Plan in advance, like finding a baby sitter for the kids or a dog walker, and tell your wife to pack a bag because you are taking her to a hotel for the night.

18. Go for a walk in the rain, then shower together when you get back.

19. Cook your wife dinner. Women love it when men take the initiative to cook for them. They find it very romantic and masculine. Don’t forget the candles!

20. Fully listen to your wife for 10 minutes right when you come home. Be present! Let her tell you about her day at work, the kids, and social matters with her friends and family.

21. Stay physically fit. You want your wife to find you attractive so that she wants to rip your clothes off, right?! Find time in your busy schedule to do some physical activity every day or at least three times a week for 20 minutes. Walking, running, biking, swimming—anything where you can raise your heart rate and sweat a bit. Don’t forget to throw in some pushups and sit ups to make the exterior as attractive as the interior (check with your doctor before you start any new physical activity).

22. Approach your wife from behind and whisper sweet things in her ear. Let her know how lucky you are to have her in your life.

23. Give your wife a back or shoulder massage. This could occur when she is sitting at a chair or in bed. Start by rubbing her shoulders, and see if she moans about how good it feels. If you get positive feedback, ask her if she would like to lie down on her stomach for a massage. Ask her where she wants you to concentrate your efforts. Make this all about her!

24. Write her a handmade card telling her how much you love her. Use crayons or other things around the house to draw red hearts as well as big X’s and O’s. You don’t have to be an artist. She will love the effort you made!

25. Cook dinner together. Preparing food and drinking a little wine together are very romantic activities. It also gives you many opportunities to laugh and touch each other.

26. Grab her in your arms like a man. Look her in the eyes and tell her how much you love her.

27. If your wife has long hair, brush her hair out of her face with your hand and give her a look of love when you do it.

28. Book her a massage at a salon. This gives her time alone to be pampered. She will also love telling her friends about what a wonderful husband you are!

29. Bring home dinner. Call her at noon and tell her that you are taking care of dinner tonight.

30. Arrange to send the children to the grandparents, cousins or friends for a night or weekend. The kids will love it, and you will get some quality time together.

31. Hire someone to help with things around the house, such as a housekeeper to clean the house twice a month.

32. When you have evening plans with your wife, call her in the afternoon and tell her that you have a “hot date” tonight. She will most likely reply, “Really, with whom?” Then you reply by describing your wife and her best attributes. It could go something like this: “Oh, I have a dinner date with this adorable, sexy woman that I met about 15 years ago. She has the best smile, delicious lips and is so much fun to talk to.”

33. Send flirty text messages throughout the day. This will show her that you love her as well as build anticipation for when you get home.

34. Make a date to watch her favorite TV program together every week. Make a bowl of popcorn, put your feet up on the ottoman and snuggle while you watch.

35. Leave a love note on the windshield of her car, or somewhere that you know she will find it during the day, when you depart for work in the morning.

36. Hug her all the time, even if it’s for just a second (e.g. like when passing by her in the kitchen to get food on the table for the family).

37. Bring home chocolates or a delicacy that she really enjoys, such as a cupcake in her favorite flavor.

38. Bringing home flowers to your wife on a Friday night is a great way to start the weekend!

39. Make love to your wife facing her while hugging her as tight as you can. She will hug back. Stare into her eyes. It will bring out a lot of the emotions you share for each other.

40. Be a good listener. Sometimes a woman just needs her man to “just listen” without providing any solutions or quick fixes. Also listen closely to what may be unspoken.

41. Do something together that neither one of you has done before. Experiencing it together for the first time can build lasting memories and make your relationship stronger.

42. Always open doors for your wife. It is one of the most basic expressions of chivalry.

43. Take her to a comedy club. You know how women always say that they love a guy whom makes them laugh. Laughter is an aphrodisiac, so enjoy it together.

44. Play a fun game at home such as Scrabble, Monopoly or even take out Twister and see if you can get your bodies tangled together.

45. Do a crossword puzzle together. This is great as you get to sit close together, touch, and be a little competitive—but also complement her for her answers! These are great for at home as well as when traveling on a plane or train.

46. Bring home some candles and tell your wife that you would like to make love to her by candle light.

47. Go spend a day at the beach together. Spend time in the water touching and hugging. When lying in the sun, be sure you are close enough that you can hold hands. Then, finish with a beachside dinner on the way home.

48. Go for a picnic. Pack a blanket, a bottle of wine, cheese and crackers. Find a site with a beautiful view, such as at the top of a hill overlooking a river. Relax and enjoy each other’s company.

49. Take her for a day cruise. Do you live near a river or lake? Go for a two or three hour boat ride. This is very romantic, and she will appreciate the carefree time away from home.

50. Go for a bike ride together. Riding bikes is great fun. Pack some snacks and find a beautiful place to stop, take in the views and enjoy each other’s company.

51. Go for ice cream. There is something special about ice cream and how it soothes the soul. Have a little fun and look your wife in the eyes when you are licking your cone. Maybe she will do the same for you!

52. Pick up a bag of her favorite coffee, tea or snack. She will really appreciate the thoughtfulness.

53. Role play. If your wife is receptive to this, it can be very erotic and awaken fantasies in the relationship. What roles would you suggest? How about you both drive to a bar separately and you pick her up! Then take her home for some fun! However, don’t forget that you left a car at the bar or restaurant.

54. Pretend it is your first date again. Tell your wife to meet you at the place you first met. Then, role play like you are meeting for the first time.

55. Take your wife clothes shopping for the afternoon. Sit patiently while she selects clothes, and ask her to give you a fashion show while she tries things on.

56. Write down all the things you love about her, roll it up, seal it with a ribbon, and then give it to her as a gift. She will treasure and save it for sure.

57. Compliment your wife on her appearance: her figure, clothes, jewelry, even her perfume!

58. Compliment your wife on her shoes or handbag. For many women, shoes and handbags are fashion statements of the highest order.

59. Recognize when your wife gets her hair done, nails painted, new clothes, etc. Never criticize the cost, as these are essential components of her femininity.

60. Tell your wife how sexy she is every week. Let her know that you still find her attractive and desirable.

61. Compliment her on the food she prepares for you. It shows appreciation, and a woman loves to please her man with food.

62. Have flowers delivered to the home just for her.

63. Write a love note and put it in her purse or work bag.

64. Surprise her with cleaning the house when she is running errands or out with friends.

65. Give your wife a foot massage. She will melt like butter!

66. When you are in public, make a point of not looking at other women. Give her your total attention. She may feel dismissed or unattractive if you are distracted.

67. Go to an amusement park together. Go on fast, scary rides and have her hold onto you for security.

68. Hand feed your wife things she enjoys like grapes or strawberries. Tease her with the food; rub it on her lips before putting it in her mouth. It can be very erotic and sensual.

69. Go for a canoe or paddle boat ride. Being on the water and in the sun is fun as well as relaxing—and a nice change of scenery.

70. Visit a city for a day. Take a carriage ride if they have one. Stop at a nice bar. Eat at an outdoor café.

71. Encourage her to have a girls’ night out. She will really appreciate you breaking her routine.

72. Make a fire in the fireplace, spread a blanket on the floor, open a bottle of wine, have some finger foods and enjoy the glowing warmth of the fire together. 

73. Dress yourself nicely; be well groomed for your wife. She will be turned on by your appearance.

74. Use non-sexual touch on her arms, neck, shoulders. She will close her eyes and purr like a kitten!

75. When it is time for bed, go to the bedroom together and tell your wife that you want to undress her. Do it very slowly, being sure to often look her in the eyes. Watch as the magic unfolds.

76. Have your wife sit on your lap. Hug her from behind, rub her shoulders, play with her hair, and whisper sweet things to her.

77. Surprise her by coming home early. Go do an activity like a walk together or dinner and a movie.

78. Make an effort to say goodbye to her an extra time. Go back in the house after leaving and say that you need one more kiss!

79. Surprise her with breakfast in bed.

80. Tell her how happy you are to have her in your life.

81. Buy her something that she will use that causes her to think about you all the time, such as a key chain or cell phone case that you picked out for her.

82. Buy her a gift card for her favorite store.

83. Spontaneously stop at a hotel and get a room for a few hours.

84. Buy her some bath salts for her to enjoy and relax with after a long day with the kids.

85. Make an extra effort to be nice to her parents and friends. She will really appreciate it.

86. Make her a photo album of things the two of you have done together. This is really easy now to do online.

87. Take silly photos at a photo booth or on your cell phone, and put the photos on the refrigerator.

88. Write her a poem and send it to her in the mail. No emails, please!

89. Propose to her for a second time. Find a favorite, romantic spot and then take her out for dinner.

90. Buy her helium balloons that say, “I Love You.”

91. Carry her over the threshold when you return home one evening. Just don’t hurt your back!!!

92. When she talks to you, stop what you are doing and give her your undivided attention.

93. Buy her massage lotion, and tell her that you would love to use it on her.

94. Buy new silk sheets for the bed. Women love beautiful fabrics (remember the sense of touch!), so this will be something greatly appreciated—and anticipate to use them with her.

95. Stop together on the way home at an adult store and find something fun to use in bed that evening.

96. Buy her a CD of her favorite artist, and then listen to it together.

97. Spend an afternoon visiting art museums or art galleries. This is a great chance to be close, activate the senses and talk about things besides your personal life.

98. Check off something on her bucket list. Have you talked to her recently about things she wants to do in her life? Make a note of them, and see which ones you can do.

99. Go grocery shopping together. It can be fun picking out produce together and planning menus while walking the aisles of the store.

100. Help your wife fold the laundry. She will appreciate the extra effort to lighten her load.

101. Surprise her by cleaning her car, both inside and out. Either wash it yourself or take it to the car wash. She will be delighted by your thoughtfulness.


I shared this list with a work colleague recently. He got back to me a week later and said that he “got ten times the amount of attention in return” from using just a few of the ideas on the list. You can too!

Keep a mental or written list of how your wife reacts to your actions. Be creative and try other things that you think will elevate her sense of love toward you. Make it fun!

You will feel like you are dating and romancing your wife the same way as when you first met. Ah, the rushes of adrenaline and endorphin reactivation are some of the best feelings in life. You may even want to create your own list of 101 Ways!

Taking action is the first step toward relationship renewal. Be the man, romance your wife, and show her how much you care for her. You will be rewarded with her love, intimacy and a sexy marriage!


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