Masculine and Feminine Dynamics in Intimate Relationships

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masculine and feminine dynamics


Masculine and feminine dynamics and how they play out in intimate relationships.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Bryan Reeves on Last First Date Radio. He’s a former US Air Force Captain turned Author/Coach/Speaker. Bryan has triumphed through multiple dark nights of the soul after hurling himself into the transformational fires of intimate relationship over and over again. With a Masters Degree in Human Relations and massive insight gleaned through countless adventures, Bryan coaches men, women and couples in creating thriving lives and relationships. He is a regular blog contributor to Good Men Project, Elephant Journal, Raw Attraction Magazine and more. His book “The Sex, Flirting, Dating, Hunting and Hoping Diet” is on Amazon. 

Bryan and I discussed one of my favorite topics, the essentials of masculine and feminine dynamics in intimate relationships. Have men become more like women and women more like men? Find out in this interview. Show notes below.


Masculine and Feminine Dynamics in Intimate Relationships

What are the fundamental masculine-feminine dynamics every one should know?

People automatically assume masculine is male and feminine is female. That’s not what we’re talking about. It’s about the duality of the human experience, yin/yang. This can be triggering for people. My ignorance of this dynamic in relationship has cost me so much in terms of joy and enthusiasm. We practice adversarially, not as partners dancing as masculine/feminine. The reason intimate relationships are different than friendships is because we’re exchanging opposing energies. Yin/yang is a symbol of oneness. We experience the divine through these types of relationships. 

Can you define masculine and feminine energy?

What is masculine energy? It’s energy in all of us that’s driving us towards a mission, to solve a problem. It looks at the world and analyses it, seeks to arrange it. Masculine energy shows up in business, science, and sports. 

What is feminine energy? It’s energy that values connection. In relationship terms, a woman wants to connect with her partner and shares a problem. The guy wants to solve it. She doesn’t want her problem solved. She wants to connect. 

What are some of the common challenges you see in your relationship coaching with singles and couples?

What I’ve learned is that in a heterosexual context, men tend to think of women as intellectually defective versions of men. Women think of men as emotionally defective versions of women. 

What I advise is that people stay connected to their heart. It’s good that women today have developed their masculine energy. Men are catching up to developing more of their feminine energy. They are more sensitive to how their business decisions affect the community. 

A woman who wants to have a career and be successful in business, that’s where masculine energy is helpful. It’s also helpful for her to bring her feminine energy–love and connection—into the context of business, asking ‘how does this affect my community’? In relationship, if you are the one with dominant masculine energy, you’ll attract a partner with more feminine energy. 

What are some reasons why people are struggling to find love?

Most people are trying to fill themselves up from an outside source. Most have a story that they want someone to complete them. It’s one of the most destructive narratives out there. When your heart has been broken, you can easily become cynical about love. I work with couples and find that the core issue beyond masculine/feminine, is are you coming from fear or love? Scarcity or abundance?

I advocate for people to come from this mindset: I’m already worthy and don’t need you to make me happy. A mindset of love changes everything. If you’re looking for someone to love you when you don’t love yourself, it won’t work. 

The more I create an amazing life for myself everyday, doing work that I love and doing what fills me up, the more I attract amazing women. Do what’s true for you and you will attract in someone who will meet you in that place. 

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