Midlife Dating Can Be Fun and Exciting

Posted by in dating in midlife, love after 40, online dating after 40 | 2 comments

midlife datingSo you’ve reached the age where chocolate hearts are viewed as nothing more than weight-increasing demons. Your last spark of hope for eternal romance left you somewhere around page 33 of the “finding love for older women” self-help book your friend lent you, and dating is like shopping for socks—something you do only when absolutely necessary.

But don’t let midlife dating get you down just yet. The fact remains that many people are successfully dating later in life. A 2003 AARP survey of 3,501 single men and women ages 40-69 showed that 63 percent were actively dating. And being practical isn’t always the best way to find love after 40. I suggest you try out romance one more time. Here’s how:

Let Go of Negative Thoughts

Your friend wants to set you up on a blind date? LET HER! Go with an open mind. Although you may think you know your type, you really never know with whom you might feel a connection at this time of your life. Resist forming an immediate negative opinion; try to focus instead on how the guy makes you feel. Is it a comfortable vibe? Let your instincts do the talking rather than letting your mind run wild. Bringing up thoughts like, “Why is he single?” and “What’s wrong with him?” will only close you off. You’re single too, right? And there’s nothing wrong with you. So go for it.

Change up Your Online Approach

Similarly, get online to work on improving your dating profile, and be open to different types of guys contacting you. Improve upon the boring and practical parts of your profile. Get flirty without being overtly sexual and really show off your winning personality. Focus on off-beat questions rather than the usual “What do you do?” or “What are your favorite movies?” Really get into it. And don’t worry if chatting doesn’t lead to a date at first. According to Match.com, it takes an average of four weeks before Internet daters will arrange to meet offline.

Change up Your In-person Approach to Midlife Dating

Most cities have groups for singles that organize mixers or events to bring people of similar age groups together to encourage them to make new friends and meet interesting folks they wouldn’t necessarily encounter in their circles. Talk yourself into joining one of these groups and have a plan in place for how you will maximize your time and money. Ask questions, have meaningful conversations and you’re bound to find someone you feel a spark with.

Try Romance Like a 20-something

Now that you’re on a date or chatting with a man you feel like you might have a connection with, give some old-fashioned romance a shot. You obviously don’t want to scare off your partner by planning a future after a few dates, but you should definitely go ahead and make the first move. An article in Men’s Health magazine notes that most men are pleasantly surprised when women make the first move and many times women enjoy a 90 percent success rate when they do.

So try sending him flowers as a surprise. Or a sweet text just because. As the dates progress, cooking his favorite meal will always make your man happy. Or try bringing out some lingerie you feel confident and beautiful in. Sure, these may all seem like things a giddy twenty-something may do, but that’s the point! It’s fun to feel like a teenager in love again.

So, date like a midlife dater with all the wisdom and maturity that comes with reaching this age, but loosen up, lighten up, and have fun. The key to finding true love after 40 is enjoying the process!


If you want to find love this year, there’s nothing like group coaching to keep you accountable and give you dating tools that work – all at a fraction of the cost of my private coaching! The Last First Date Inner Circle features monthly topic-based Q & A calls about dating over 40 and a private forum for women to connect and share their experiences. All calls are recorded and transcribed, and you get a free chapter a month of my upcoming book. Check it out here.



  1. I loved this article, especially Change up Your In-person Approach to Midlife Dating. When I was newly single I had to force myself to join Meetup groups and get out there. As an introvert, this was easy but I did it and it was life changing!

  2. Thanks so much for your comment, Sue! Meetup groups are my favorite way to meet new people offline. I’m also an introvert, and I’ve learned to get out of my comfort zone post-divorce. If you don’t bring more of your personality early on, you may never get a second chance. Dating is all about quick judgments (unfortunately), and you usually don’t have a chance to un-peel the multiple layers to your wonderful self 🙂

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