Midlife Marriage: Prenup or No Prenup?

Posted by in dating after divorce, dating in midlife, love after 40 | 0 comments

prenup or no prenupAuthor, Speaker and Lawyer for men David Pisarra is an internationally recognized authority on Fathers and Men’s Rights. He is a sought-after speaker on what men need to know about Family Law and protecting themselves and their relationships with their children.

He is currently filming a documentary about men who are victims of domestic violence called, What About The Men?

I’ve transcribed highlights from our radio interview on Last First Date Radio, where David Pisarra spoke about whether you need a prenup or no prenup when marrying in midlife.

Midlife Marriage: Prenup or No Prenup?

What is a prenup? 

First let’s ask, what is marriage? It’s a contractual partnership agreement between two people. Most people don’t understand the details of the partnership agreement. It’s to clarify responsibilities in a relationship, just like you would do in business. When you write it out, it makes it easier to talk about it. Basically, you’re saying, “What are the expectations we have for our marriage/assets/how we spend money, etc.?” People often have unstated expectations. That’s why many get divorced. 

A prenup identifies the assets that you both have coming into the relationship, and what you’re going to do with the assets. Maybe your future spouse is planning to leave it to the lymphoma society, and you thought you’d spend it on a luxury vacation. You need to have the conversation to clarify expectations. 

The mechanics are fairly simple. It’s a schedule of assets and how to build as you go into your golden years. The court can set aside big provisions in case there’s a divorce. 

Is there a correlation between how a person spends their money and how generous they are with their hearts?

Absolutely. I had a client with the largest assets, and they were more concerned with protecting their money than anyone I’ve dealt with. My experience has been that people who are generous with money = generous with their heart.

Who needs a prenup?

Anyone that has a pension, stocks or assets above $25,000 needs a prenup. 

When do you need to complete the prenup?

You need time to review everything. A month or two before the marriage is about the right amount of time to do a thorough job of protecting everyone. 

Are prenups enforceable if the couple just writes something up? 

It can be enforceable. Depends on how much time and money you spend enforcing it. You can write out all your assets and how much you’ll give out if you break up in 1 year, 5 years, etc.  A lawyer makes the client comfortable with the prenup. The client with fewer assets is often more concerned, because they’re wondering what are they signing away. The client with more assets is usually more astute and has done their homework.

A prenup outlines who will take care of travel, contributing to bank account, expenses once you’re married. Is one party coming into the marriage with a house? These things can complicate a relationship unless there’s clarity. 

My takeaway is that you can avoid misunderstandings if you begin a new marriage with clarity and an outline of expectations. When you take the guesswork and emotions out of the financial issues, you can avoid one of the most recurring arguments in marriage—money issues.

To listen to the entire episode, click here.

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  1. Do You Need a Prenup When Remarrying in Midlife? - Last First Date | Last First Date - […] to my radio guest, attorney David Pisarra, in an episode entitled Prenup or No Prenup? Should You Protect Your Assets Before…

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