How to Move Towards Supreme Love
My radio guest, Dr. Jeanine Staples, shares how you can leave unhealthy relationship patterns behind, and move towards supreme love.
In my radio guest, Jeanine Staples’ debut book, The Revelations of Asher: Toward Supreme Love in Self, she reveals women’s fragmented selves and the five ways women live as lovers: Main Chick, Side Chick, Bonnie, Bitch, and Victim. Her two-part, online quiz can easily help women uncover which lover identity they take on in relationships. Her subsequent work shows women a more conscious way of loving and living in the world.
This isn’t a lovey-dovey take on relationships or “self-help”. It is a raw look at how women heal from deep traumas using the tools of emotional literacy and emotional justice. Jeanine is on a mission to teach women how to turn toward supreme love in self, a concept that goes beyond the limits of self-love.
As an alternative-response to the five toxic lover identities, Jeanine presents a new way of loving and living. She introduces the Supreme Lover Identity and illuminates its integral connection to social and emotional justice for and through Black women’s wisdom.
Highlights below for a fascinating interview on Last First Date Radio, episode #287: Moving Toward Supreme Love with Jeanine Staples.
How to Move Towards Supreme Love
Tell us a little bit about the book and what got your started exploring Supreme Love.
The book is entitled The Revelations of Asher: Toward Supreme Love in Self. It features the stories of abuses and violences that we often deem acceptable, such as emotional neglect, psychological trips, verbal abuse, rape and molestation. The stories are presented creatively like a novel. There’s a soundtrack to create a holistic experiences. I’m very proud of the book!
What are the five lover identities?
There are five toxic lover identities that the average woman might embody over a lifetime.
1. Main Chick. Leader of the pack. Matriarchal figure. Idealizes and idolizes the male/female relationship. She’s a serial monogamist. Tied to the end goal of landing a man. Can lead to obsessive energy. I want to get this degree—to look enterprising for a man, etc. She loses herself every day she makes these investments. She makes sacrifices that jeopardize men and other women. Camille Cosby is the consumate main chick.
2. Side Chick. She’s the woman on the side, getting crumbs. She’s invested in fantasy. It’s sexual and erotic. She’s soft on the outside and hard on the inside. She’s lonely and often desperate.
3. Bonnie. She is like Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde . She makes sure to do his laundry, homework, she’s willing to give up herself, possessions, and energy to be kept. She’s often exhausted.
4. Bitch. Profane, argumentative, domineering, caustic and grating. Or they can be quieter, but energetically she’s like a boiling pot ready to explode.
5. Victim. It’s the hardest to heal. She’s vested in a martyr complex. She’s an over giver, a complainer and whiner. She’s in a steady supply of applause. She creates lots of evidence in this identity as it makes her valuable and powerful.
NOTE: The average woman has a dominant and subordinate identity. You don’t have to stay stuck. You can heal and set up a new pattern of behavior.
Which lover identity were you, before you started practicing supreme loving?
I was a Main Chick/Bonnie. I am a recovering codependent who drew in narcissistic abuse until I redid my victim narrative. Those experiences brought me to my knees. I used my experience and education to heal.
I think ‘self love’ can be pretty shallow, as it doesn’t necessarily help a woman know where she carries somatic pain in her body. She needs to get to the root of her survival programs which are on high. Supreme love is a construct that is attached to a methodology. We get to know the wounded parts and engage with ourself in a deep and intimate way. You learn to speak to yourself more maturely. You learn your form and function. We don’t always understand the capacity of womanhood and how great it is.
How can people learn more about the Supreme Love Project and how it is impacting women across the world?
Go to thesupremeloveproject.com and sign up for something for free; webinars, classes, etc. If you’d like VIP level support in small groups for 12 weeks or 12 months, email firstname.lastname@example.org and find out if you’re a good fit for the program.
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Listen to the entire episode below, and let me know your key takeaways!