How to Move from Victim to Thriving in Life and Love

Posted by in midlife, self-esteem in dating | 2 comments

My radio guest, Dr. Saida Désilets is a woman who personifies what it is to move from victim to thriving in life and love. You must check out this powerful episode!

I had an inspiring and delicious conversation with my radio guest, Dr. Saida Désilets. She is a woman who personifies what it is to move from victim to thriving in life and love. She shared her powerful story of transformation after a near death experience at age 20. Dr.Désilets wants to live in a world filled with audacious, sexually sovereign women, living life on their own terms. I couldn’t agree more!

As a thought-leader and body-philosopher, she has published several books: The Emergence of the Sensual Woman, and The Illustrious Jade Egg and had her innovative method featured in Dr. Christiane Northrup’s bestselling books: Women’s Wisdom, Women’s Bodies & The Secret Pleasures of Menopause, as well as in Dr. Rachel Abrams books: Multi-Orgasmic Woman & BodyWise.

After two decades of dedicated, embodied professional practice, Saida is a visionary spokesperson for sexual sovereignty.

Highlights below for episode #300: How to Move from Victim to Thriving in Life and Love.

How to Move from Victim to Thriving in Life and Love

Your story from victim to thriving is powerful. Can you share your story and the key elements to your transformation?

When I was 20, I was traveling in the Caribbean and dated the baddest boy on the island. On one of our evenings together, he raped me violently. I had emergency surgery in Canada, and my doctor told me I had two weeks to live. I faced mortality in this poignant moment.

Three things happened:

  1. I defied the doctor’s verdict. I chose to live. We are always faced with choices, and the thought of living a life unexpressed is unacceptable.
  2. I was willing to enter my own mystery as a woman. I entered a deep relationship and inquiry with self-love.
  3. I learned that how we define our reality is how we experience it. It never occurred to me that I was a victim of rape. It was until years later when someone said it to me. I knew I was raped, but I didn’t feel like a victim. I was much bigger than that experience. We can take our harsh wounds and transform them into self-growth.


Why is it important for women to share our stories?

We’re in a climate of rapid change, and our voices are finally being heard. We need to share our stories, which eliminates shame. Shame thrives in the darkness. Ask yourself, “How will this experience of sharing my story serve me in a greater sense?” We also have to risk sharing about what we actually want, not just what we can’t stand. Go for what you want in life and love!

You won’t get what you want if you don’t contemplate it or try to get it. Take the risk. Don’t predetermine the outcome. Take a huge bite out of life!

If we want more love, we must first hold it in our hearts as viable. Marinate in the yearning. Feel the ache. Be inspired to take action. Are you willing to have the intimate vulnerable conversation in your heart. What makes your heart race thinking about it?

If you are so shut down that you can’t even imagine having great love, you can only move as fast as the slowest part of you. Just be with what is. How we treat ourselves is our primary relationship. That’s where we get to start.

Take your time and ask, “If I was dating myself, how would I treat myself?”

Have a child-like innocence of exploring that question. The exploration is the journey of love. You need YOU. If you’re afraid and disconnected, a good place to start is with nature and your body. Beauty doesn’t have an agenda. Nature will nourish your heart. It will begin to feed it.

Begin to cultivate a gourmet relationship with yourself. Give yourself what you want first. Begin with more sensuality: a warm bath, a sensual massage. Start to fill yourself up, and then open to the possibility of a connection with a man.

When you’re full, you’re profoundly magnetic! You no longer bargain for love. You offer the gourmet plate. And you magnetize someone who has their own gourmet plate.

Life is messy, and that’s okay. Remember to stay in integrity with what is your true north. First we must self-validate. Then we welcome in partnership.

Ask yourself, “Am I making choices aligned with my wounds or what I love? Is it life giving or life taking?”


Saida has two free gifts for you:

#1. A Journey of Reclamation: 3 Top Challenges Women Face & How To Transform Them

Are you ready to feel more confident, vibrant, and deeply centered within yourself? Would you love to transform your trauma or stress into power and vitality? Do you crave authentic, raw, real & revealed connections? Then click here for this FREE, INTERACTIVE WEBINAR.

#2. The Daring Project is a global experiment in what’s possible when we come together with other women with the common purpose of supporting one another to live our most expressed, tender, powerful and greatest self. Join here. 

**If you’ve ever felt like a victim in life or love, it takes courage to take a stand for what really matters to you. Many women have been silenced for too long. If that’s true for you, I can help. Book your session today and reclaim your powerful voice.

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Download/listen to this episode below:



  1. So right, and thank you for bringing this podcast (I’ve only read the transcript but that’s fine). As Byron Katie says, events are neutral. What we make of them is our problem or our growth. She also says no-one can hurt you but yourself. Saida is testament to that as far as I can see. Rejoice in your humanity. And I take particular note of the part that refuses to live a life unexpressed; that’ inspiration for me as I have a son of just 31 years, with what’s called a terminal GBM grade four. It’s a big one. So push for me please to release all the powers that be, to allow us all to really understand the message behind this eruption. Life is bigger than one incarnation, but each incarnation is worth expressing to the full. Love Michaela xx

  2. Michaela,
    I’m so glad you found inspiration in this podcast. I encourage you to listen when you have a chance, as the show notes are only highlights. Saida’s words are poetically beautiful, and well worth hearing.

    I’m so sorry to hear about your son’s prognosis. My oldest son, Avi, died suddenly of a brain tumor right before his 5th birthday. As painful as it was to lose my firstborn son, his life served as a blessing and inspiration for me and many others. We may not understand the ‘why’, but the meaning we make of it is what helps us go on to live a life fully expressed.

    Much love to you xoxox

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