The No Nonsense Guide to Healthy Relationships After 40

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating in midlife | 0 comments

How do you have a loving, lasting, healthy relationship after 40? Start with being a mensch and communicating effectively with your partner. Here’s how…

How do you have a loving, compassionate, healthy relationship after 40? My radio guest, Jamie Greene has so many important things to say about this topic. Raised in England, Jamie survived boarding school, endured disastrous relationships, excelled as an 80’s pop drummer, hobnobbed with Royalty, you name it… he’s witnessed it all. His Zen-like approach to coaching combined with his British sense of humor and refreshing straight talk, has built a thriving reputation as a licensed psychotherapist, teacher, mentor and trainer. He was cast as a real-life marriage therapist on the show ‘Marriage 911′ helping save a marriage on the rocks. The couple is still thriving, years later. Jamie was recently featured as Therapist and Life Coach to Brad Womack on “The Bachelor”.

Pretty cool bio, huh? Following are highlights from my interview with Jamie Greene on the no nonsense guide for women and men to truly understand each other.

The No Nonsense Guide to Healthy Relationships After 40


What made you choose this topic?

I’ve been working in this field for close to 30 years. I’ve sat with lots of complaints from couples, and I picked all the wrong women until my thirties. What it comes down to is understanding ourselves, being more discerning going into relationships, and course correcting as we go.

What are the top communication myths?

The obvious number one is, “We don’t communicate”. I always laugh lovingly when couples say this. In most relationships, you don’t literally avoid each other. There’s often silent treatment and withholding. Silent treatment is so brash. It’s important to discover what changed in the relationship to get to this shutting down process. Some shutting down is for protection, or due to anger or fear. 

At the start of a relationship, we’re inspired and limitless with desire, and we would do anything for our partner. When the relationship breaks down, we’re resentful, and we don’t want to do anything for our partner. The biggest challenge is stagnation in a relationship. 

How do you keep romance alive?

It’s a lot of work. I always ask couples, “Do you have any examples of good healthy relationship you want to emulate? “It’s amazing how few do. People don’t know what they’re trying to honor. So, I model it for them, like, how to confront a difficult partner. 

A couple thrives when a man can anticipate what a woman needs instead of feeling a need to provide solutions to her problems.

What are the four pillars of a man and the four layers of a woman?

The four pillars of a man:

1. A man who knows who he is. He’s self-aware. He has wisdom from past failings. He knows he has blind spots and doesn’t use them as excuses.

2. He sees you as a woman, and he allows you to be who you are and embraces you. 

3. He’s one or two steps ahead of you. He anticipates your needs. He understands how to cherish a woman.

4. He’s a mensch. He’s a good soul, a good man with a good heart. He’s flexible, personable, and he is not uptight. He’s adaptable. He’s polite and appreciative. He tips well. He has compassion. 

The four layers of a woman

1. She knows who she is. She’s doing the work on herself. Recognizes that she needs to grow and stretch. She’s humble. Learns from mistakes.

2. She knows what she wants. She’s clear about what she wants in a relationship.

3. She wants to grow. If you’re a mature woman, you don’t want to spend your time in gossip. You want to keep on growing, and you want to gently push and inspire a man to grow as well.

4. She has her man’s back. He feels that she believes in him and sees his potential, and she can bring out the amazing leader that he is. 

There’s no competition in the relationship. It would kill the intimacy.

What’s one thing you want our audience to remember?

Create good symmetry between the masculine and feminine in your relationship. Men need to be able to integrate into the feminine qualities of kindness and nurturing, and women need to lead with their femininity. 

Listen to the show on blog talk radio here.

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