Online Dating: 5 Reasons Why Men Don’t Write Back

Posted by in online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

men don't write back

You match on a dating app and send a message. Here are 5 reasons why men don’t write back – and what you can do to increase your dating success.

Online dating can be very frustrating, especially when men don’t write back. You message ten men and get a response from one (or none). Why is that? According to research, men are much less discriminating than women when it comes to swiping right. However, once they have a match, they’re less likely to contact or respond to messages. It seems like the thrill of getting a match is enough for many men. That’s one of the many reasons why online dating can make you want to pull your hair out. But I have 5 tips that explain why men don’t write back and what you can do about it.

Online Dating: 5 Reasons Why Men Don’t Write Back

1. He doesn’t like your photos. Men (and women) are visual creatures. You MUST post your best photos online to capture his attention. If you don’t have current photos that show you in several poses (close up, full body, activity shots, and photos showing you doing what you love), get a friend to take some photos on their phone, and post them right away. Great photos can immediately turn around your online dating success rate, especially when it comes to men writing back. So if he doesn’t like your pics, it’s not a rejection of you, it’s your photos. Remember: it’s not personal if your photos don’t best represent you, and do post new photos today.

2. He may be getting tons of messages a day. A good looking, tall, educated man is popular online. He’s often inundated with messages from many women, and he may not be reading them all. If you want men to write back, don’t just choose the most good looking top tier men. Choose men who share common values and interests. And remember: It’s not personal if he’s inundated with messages because he’s so popular. Write to men who share common values and interests vs the most handsome men online.

3. He’s not a paid member of a site and you are. It’s not always obvious if a guy is a paid member. Many people are able to search for matches online, even though they can’t read or respond to messages. It’s not personal if he can’t read or respond to your message, but do look for the subscriber badge on sites like to increase the chance of him responding to you.

4. Your messages aren’t engaging enough. There is a science to how to write a message that gets a response. If you’re not writing something catchy or fun and ending with a question, you probably won’t get a response from the men you like. It’s not personal if you just haven’t captured his attention yet. Write something personal from his profile and remember to end with a question.

5. Your bio is not unique enough. Online dating is all about how you market yourself. Would you buy a product with poorly written copy or bad photos? Why would a total stranger be lured in by a boring bio? It’s not easy to write about yourself, which is why I offer three online essay packages, where I write your bio for you. A great bio stands out and increases your online dating success.  It’s definitely not personal if your bio doesn’t have pizzaz. Write a better bio with words that describe your unique character traits, hobbies and interests.

As you can see, when men don’t write back, it’s not usually personal. It just requires a few tweaks. If you put these five tips into practice, you’ll soon get more messages from men and improve your success online.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to finally find your match, sign up for a complimentary 45-minute love breakthrough session with Sandy

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Get a copy of Sandy’s books, Becoming a Woman of Value; How to Thrive in Life and Love and Choice Points in Dating; Empowering Women to Make Healthier Decisions in Love.


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