Online Dating Demystified

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, online dating after 40 | 0 comments

As a dating coach to women dating again after divorce or loss of a spouse, online dating is a major focus of my practice. Many women find online dating to be very frustrating, especially when they encounter guys who write stupid or highly sexual emails, or who don’t even take the time to read their profile and just focus on their photos. Unfortunately, that comprises a majority of the men dating online.

However, if a woman becomes more skilled at online dating, she can meet a quality man and fall in love. A majority of marriages and long-term relationships begin with online dating.

I’m here to share some tips to make online dating a less overwhelming and frustrating. I want you to find love. And it has very little to do with being lucky.

8 Tips For Online Dating Success

1. Pay attention to what he writes in the relationship section. The guys who write that they’re looking for ‘friends with benefits’ are being honest. You might be looking for the same thing. If so, that’s great. Go out with Mr. Non-committed booty call guy and have fun. If you’re not interested in that type of relationship, just move on to find a guy who’s interested in the same type of relationship as you.

2. Keep online profile essays breezy and fun. In this fast-paced world of short attention spans, who likes to read a long essay? Keep it short and sweet. You want to convey that you’re light-hearted and undramatic, while still showing your unique qualities that set you apart from other women. Keep it to 200 words maximum if you want your essay to be read.

3. Don’t put negative statements in your profile. Those statements connote what you’re running away from, usually something from past relationships. Have you ever had a first phone conversation with a guy, and all he can focus on is his bitterness towards his ex-wife? Bye bye bitter guy. He might be a nice man, but you don’t want to be with him in his current state of mind. Work out your ‘stuff’ before dating. Keep your profile positive. After you’re in a relationship, there’s plenty of time to reveal the complexities of your life. The profile essay is not that place.

4. DO put positive and clear statements about what kind of guy you ARE looking for. Eventually, that guy will show up and read your essay. He’ll recognize himself in your words and write to you. And the rest will be history…

5. The first (and most important) thing he notices is your photo. Make sure your pictures are current, varied, in focus, and the best you’ve got. I am strong proponent for you being alone in your photos. He doesn’t need to meet your three best friends or your kids before he meets you. This is your first impression and men are very visual. Make sure to include a full body shot. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone for the first time who turns out to look nothing like his photos. You wouldn’t want that to happen to you and neither does he.

6. Choose a good username or headline. Women often choose names that are a good description of who they are, but are a turn-off to men. If you are into spirituality and the law of attraction, that’s great. But don’t include it in your username, with a name like ‘Yogadiva’. That might attract a nice woman into your life. But to find a guy, choose a more fun and male-friendly username, such as: IHeartHockey or NoDramaGirl.

7. Try to incorporate a hobby into your username. Are you a dancer? Try something like, SoIThinkICanDance. The point to remember with usernames and tag lines is that this is your ad. You want to stand out. Make the impression that you want to make, not one you didn’t intend on making…

8. Make him curious. The best usernames and profiles provoke a man to ask a question and start a conversation with you. This is just the tip of the iceberg. You are not selling him on your whole package. Just pique his curiosity.

Most importantly, have fun!






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