Pace Yourself in Dating!
Leslie Wardman has been matchmaking for over a decade. She says, “Matchmaking is a funny thing. In Western culture matchmaking is slow to be embraced. But as life becomes more challenging, faster paced, paranoid, and more sophisticated, hiring a matchmaker becomes a more and more reasonable choice. Perhaps it will be the way of life for our children and grandchildren.” I loved having Leslie on the Last First Date Radio show this week. She shared some great tips on how to pace yourself in dating. I’ve included some highlights of this wonderful show.
How do you pace yourself? Why is it important? Time is your friend when you get to know someone. Take it slow when coming out of a long relationship, especially a long marriage. Don’t try and replace the one you had. Don’t try to fill a void. Reinvent yourself first.
There are three phases of relationship and attraction.
1. Hormones and chemistry. Scientists have been putting a finger on the chemistry involved in attraction. When a couple sleeps together, it releases a chemical that makes a woman want to cling to a guy. How long should someone wait to sleep with someone? I say 6 months.
2. Attraction phase. This is the dopamine phase. You’re getting to know each other. Love is blind, so pay attention to pink flags, but don’t run at the first sign of danger.
3. Cuddle phase. This is the phase where oxytocin is released. It’s a time when you deepen the relationship. This is my favorite time!
It’s important to go through all three phases of relationship to know someone well enough, and to see if the relationship has lasting power.
Tips from Leslie:
1. Have restraint.
2. Initially, do not make extensive plans beyond simple dates.
3. Don’t share dirty laundry on the first few dates.
4. Discuss how you feel about the importance of going slow.
5. Do not say “I love you” until you are almost certain it is mutual.
To hear the entire episode, listen here.