Pay Attention to Those Red Flags

Posted by in red flags in relationships, single women over 40 | 0 comments

how to spot red flagsHave you ever dated someone for a few weeks, when suddenly something he says or does feels wrong? Your gut says, ‘Something doesn’t feel right.’ You may not know exactly what’s wrong, but you know something’s off. What do you do? Ignore the bad feeling, and tell yourself that you’re overreacting? That’s what I did for much of my earlier dating life. My message today is to pay attention to those red flags. They provide valuable information that you can’t ignore.

Pay Attention to Those Red Flags

There are two different categories of red flags.

1. Some red flags are temporary. Some are signs that a guy is bad news for you right now. I said, bad for YOU, and right now, not necessarily a bad guy for all time. He might be a great guy, just not available for a relationship at this time. These red flags are only temporary. He’s separated. Rebounding out of a long relationship. Doesn’t have a job at this time. These are men you can keep in mind for another time. But don’t date them until the red flag is gone.

2. Some red flags are here to stay. These are the red flags you should pay careful attention to. They are danger signs. He isn’t that into you but sleeps with you anyway. He’s emotionally unstable. He’s a narcissist. He treats you poorly. He treats others poorly. He’s emotionally damaged and hasn’t worked on his issues. He sucks the life out of you, takes your money, etc. Walk away from men like this.

Pay attention to those red flags. Whether it’s something that may change with time or not, the important thing to remember is that they’re still red flags. They are waving in your face, telling you to stay away. Your gut knows it.

So, why do so many women ignore those red flags and hope that ‘things will turn around’?

Butterflies, chemistry, call it what you will, but when you’re attracted, it can mess with your head.  When you are so physically into a guy, your body releases what I like to call ‘stupid hormones’.  You know the ones that make you think you’re in love by date two? That feeling that you are soul mates (about three weeks into the relationship), and no matter what those little ‘glitches’ are (he’s 38 and still hasn’t moved out of his parents’ house? No problem!), you’ll work them out. Because you’re meant to be together. This is a relationship made in heaven.

More like hell.

Because if you ignore the negatives, you’ll be blinded by the ‘if-only’s. 

We’ll be a perfect couple, if only …

a. ‘he comes around to wanting kids like I do. When he falls for me, he’ll want kids, too.’

b. ‘he gets over his ex. I’m so amazing, I’ll make him forget her.’

c. ‘he practiced my religion. After he falls for me, he’s going to want to convert.’

And while there are some relationships where the above scenarios do turn around, it’s not the norm.

Most guys communicate in a much more simple fashion than us females. We analyze words. Men are more straightforward. They say what they mean.

Most men are not out to lie to you. They usually tell you the truth, often within the first conversation.

You choose to ignore him when he says, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”

Of course, he might be saying this while he kisses you. You’re thinking, “He is kissing me like he IS ready for a relationship. I think he’s falling for me.”

Six months down the road, he’s still not ready for a relationship, but you’re hooked. And then it’s hard to get unhooked.

So before you hook up with a guy who is screaming ‘red flag’, pay close attention to those first few conversations. He means what he says. Don’t get caught up in magical thinking.

When you see those red flags, whatever they may be, don’t expect him to change. 

You’re better off finding someone who IS ready for a relationship.

You want someone who wants you as much as you want him. 

Go find him.

And keep your eyes wide open for those beautiful green flags!

To grab a copy of my FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now,” click here now.

 

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