Am I too Picky About Men?
I’ve been lurking on Match.com to see what’s out there, and I have to say, I am thoroughly unimpressed and often kind of put off. I wonder if I’m too picky about men online. Most men have horrible photos, can’t write anything substantive, are looking for someone to run/bike/do marathons with, want someone 10 years younger, and try to impress with cars/motorcycles, baseball hats and photos of them in sleeveless t-shirts with the guys. Ugh!
I would be looking for someone urban, sophisticated, cultured, intellectual, can write, funny, etc. I know I need to be open to the possibility that I’ll connect with someone I never thought would be my type, but I’m so unexcited about the men I see online, at least on Match.com which I thought would have the most choice. Maybe I need to approach this with the knowledge that only 5% of men will be interesting to me and go from there?
I understand your frustration with the men who are popping up on your Match.com searches. And I am going to give you some tough love advice about online dating. You ask:
Am I too picky about men?
I think you are being too picky and judgmental of men’s profiles. Some amazing guys post bad pics and ho-hum essays. It might be helpful to remember that men are layered – just like you – and a poorly presented profile is not the full picture. I’m not saying that the majority of these men will have the depth you’re searching for, but some will. I know several people who connected with men online with bad profiles, and they’re now married. The only way to find out what a man is really like is to go one step further and write to them/meet them.
I do get online and search for men with my clients. That’s part of my online dating success program, and I’d be happy to do that with you.
Until then, narrow your search preferences a little more to specify what you’re looking for. And go in with the attitude that you’re just on a journey to discover more about men, not decide whether he’s the next love of your life. Instead of having the attitude that “5% of men will be interesting to me”, why not go in thinking,”Hey, you never know. I hope to be surprised. And at least I’ll make the best of every first meet date and enjoy the process.”
Make connections with new men and have an open mind. You wouldn’t want men to falsely judge you based on an assumption they make by looking at a photo or reading your essay, do you?