[PODCAST] 3 Keys to Great Communication—From First Date to Relationship
In this episode of Last First Date Radio, you’ll learn the 3 keys to great communication from a psychologist. Check out the effective tools she shares here.
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My podcast guest, Susanna Mittermaier, is a psychologist and the founder of Pragmatic Psychology. She is also the author of the #1 international bestselling book, Practical Tools for Being Crazy Happy, and she’s a certified facilitator for Right Voice for You, by Access Consciousness®. A highly sought after public speaker, Susanna offers a new paradigm of therapy called Pragmatic Psychology. She is known for her ability to transform people’s problems and difficulties into possibilities and powerful choices.
Check out highlights below, and download/listen to this episode as we discuss the three keys to great communication, from first date to a building a relationship.
The 3 Keys to Great Communication
What drew you to specialize in relationships and communication?
I became a psychotherapist in Sweden. Relationship is a big topic there, because we’re in relationships all the time. To find effective ways to create great relationships is something all people seek.
I never desired a relationship. I was happy by myself. I wasn’t looking for a man. One day, I was asking [the universe] for something greater, and I didn’t put a definition on it. I didn’t know what it looked like. I wanted something nurturing, creative, expansive to show up in my life. And soon after that, I met [the man I’m with today].
The model I had seen for relationship wasn’t good. I didn’t desire that in my life for the future. But, having this guy in my life, I started to ask questions about what else is possible. I found a way to create a relationship that makes me happy!
How can someone get clear on what they really want in a relationship?
Ask yourself, “What do I know now about relationships?” That’s our fixed definition about how we do relationships. Next, ask yourself, “If I could be totally me, what do I know and how would I create a relationship?”
You’ll find ways that work for you. Most of us have no clue when we start out. To find out what you want in a relationship, acknowledge that it’s okay to not know.
I love this tool; Everything that makes you feel light and expansive and happy…that’s your truth. You’re on the path of doing something that works for you. When you notice yourself doing something that has a heaviness to it, dragging you down or contracting, that’s a lie. It’s not your true version of life. Follow what’s light. [Don’t lead with your head, but with a felt sense of what’s light and right.]
It’s a lie that there’s a lack in your life when you don’t have a partner. Ask yourself, “Do I have a need, or have I invented that need?” Tap into the energy of each. Check what you know, and what’s true for you.
Before you add someone into your life, start enjoying your own company. Take yourself out on a date. Where would you go? What flowers would you buy yourself? Then, the man in your life will be an addition.
What’s the difference between being needy and having needs?
When children are needy, they get attention. This becomes a strategy we keep on using to get what we want. But, it keeps our lives small and in the lie of lack. If you look at what you want from desire instead, ask what will it take, how can I create it? You’re not dependent on someone else.
Relationships bring up the lie of lack. Many don’t want to look at this. It’s uncomfortable to be courageous and vulnerable and ask yourself how can I change this, rather than what is my partner not doing.
Most women start a relationship to fix the man. He is not a restoration project. Ask yourself, if he never changes, can I live with that?
SUPER RELATIONSHIP TOOL: Let go of all expectations, projections, rejections, and judgments you have of others. Every night, let it go. Start new every day, as if you’ve never met the person. Stop taking everything personally! Practice asking, does this really have anything to do with me? You can ask your partner, “I’d so like to judge you, but I don’t have enough information. Can you help me?” Ask for help from vulnerability.
What are the three keys to great communication?
- Allowance: Don’t agree, don’t align, don’t resist, don’t react. Just allow what is in the present.
- No expectations: Allows you to see the person in the moment and discover the new everyday.
- Look at who you are dealing with: Some people are direct and some are not. Know who you’re talking with, so you know if there are ‘subtitles’ when they talk or if they mean what they say. Do you need to interpret, or can you take the person at face value? What are they really saying? Ask them to help you try to understand. When you say, ‘Can you help me please?’, it’s amazing, as you come from vulnerability not confrontation or anger.
Learn more about Susanna here: https://www.susannamittermaier.com/
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