[PODCAST] The Power of Being Present in Relationships
[PODCAST] One of the most important aspects of being in a relationship is being present. We communicate so much by listening and being open.
After completing her social work studies in Vienna, my podcast guest, Doris Schachenhofer, worked with children, homeless people, delinquent teenagers and prisoners transitioning back into the real world. In 2014, she became an Access Consciousness® facilitator. Today she travels the world supporting people to be more of themselves. The classes she delivers in both live and online settings including Right Voice for You, Being You, Conscious Parents and Conscious Kids.
Doris joined me on Last First Date Radio for a deep dive into the power of being present in relationships. Listen to episode 363: How to Be Present and Gain Greater Power in Communication
The Power of Being Present in Relationships
Listen/download this episode here:
Why is being present important to you?
I was always interested in helping people have more ease in their lives. We’re often present in one area by cutting off other things in life. Many people get irritated by focusing on one thing. I love to show people what’s possible if you look at being present from a different perspective.
It’s being present with everything with no point of view. You don’t need to cut off from anything. And you can ask yourself questions. “What is necessary right now? What is the next step?” When a cat is in front of a mouse hole, she will be present with everything so she can react if necessary to stay safe.
It’s relaxing to be open to everything.
For me, meditation never worked. I had a hard time pushing away thoughts. Being present is not pushing away thoughts. It’s about not holding onto the thoughts. Get curious about the thoughts instead.
Can you share some tips for being more present?
If you’re angry when you get home, become aware of whose thoughts they are. Ask yourself, “Is this really mine, or is it someone else’s?” Presence is no separation, no judgment, and receiving everything. No reaction or resistance.
Presence exercise: Get present with three points of your body. Doesn’t matter which. [Pick three points to be aware of throughout the day to bring you back to presence.] You can practice anywhere. This is something that will help you become more present in uncomfortable situations. “If I choose to stay present here, what else is possible?” It will bring you back to the moment.
What if people are really resistant to being in the uncomfortable moments?
Everything that’s true for you in the moment has lightness to it.
Everything that’s not true for you in the moment has heaviness to it.
See if [what you’re experiencing is] light or heavy. Gravitate towards the lightness.
We hold onto uncomfortableness that’s not ours. What if we got curious and asked questions instead. What if you asked, “What else is possible here?”
We think the safe place for us is hiding. Instead, lower your barrier and step into vulnerability. “If I don’t choose resistance, what else would be possible here?” Don’t disappear.
What are some ways for people to communicate more effectively in difficult situations?
Ask yourself, “If I would choose something different today here, what else would be possible?” Another tool is to start every morning as if you don’t know this person. We build relationships based on points of view built over time. Then we get stuck.
If you wake up and say, “Who am I today?” “What adventures can I have today?” Then ask of your partner, “Who is this person today?” it has you drop judgment and a fixed mindset.
The movie, 50 First Dates with Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, is a great example of starting everyday as if the relationship just started. This is a perspective I invite you to embody.
What is the power of great communication?
Listening. It’s not about being interesting, but being interested. I’m divorced, and I remember when my husband would come home, I would retell my whole day. I thought he needed to hear it. What if we could just be present in the moment. Ask questions, what are you interested in? What would you like to do this evening?
With great communication, there is a gift in silence. From silence comes new ideas, new possibilities to be with each other. Sex happens from silence. There’s communication through silence.
Listen to the rest of the interview for a wonderful conversation on how to lower your barriers in dating and relationships. This is so important!
Connect to Doris here: http://www.dorisschachenhofer.com/
She’s also one of the authors in this book: The Very Greatest Adventure….Is You Truly Being You, by Dain Heer and Katarina Wallentin
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