Q & A Wednesday: How Can I Keep Him From Leaving Me?

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating | 0 comments

Dear Sandy,

I would like your opinion and advice please. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months and have been separated once in that time. I don’t get to see him very often, only when we can or have time. He’s always busy and when he has time, I’m busy. He told me that he feels like I’m wasting his time because he never gets to see me. He said the same thing when we were separated and we ended up getting back together. He’s the one who suggested we get back together. When I told him that we got through it once, he said that he doesn’t think it’ll work out. I don’t want to loose him, what can I do to keep him from leaving me?

Ally

Dear Ally,

I’d like to help you, but you’ve told me very little about your situation with your boyfriend.

Here’s what I know:

  • You’ve been dating him for six months
  • He’s always busy
  • You’re always busy
  • You’ve broken up once
  • He doesn’t think it will work out this time
  • You’re afraid of losing him

What I don’t know is:

  • What do you love about him?
  • What’s getting in the way of making time for each other?
  • What are you afraid of in therms of losing him?

If you truly love each other, you would make each other a priority. Sounds like neither of you is doing that. I am not sure how a relationship can become serious without the devotion of time spent together, even if much of it takes place via Skype or phone.

Talking, connecting, and dating are all important in developing a deeper connection.

Both of you are responsible for making that happen, and right now, neither of you is making time. So I would start there. Negotiate how you can make time to deepen the relationship.

You will probably have to give some things up. Saying ‘no’ to some things in your life will help make room for each other. Figure out what those things are. One day less at the gym? Saving time by doing grocery shopping together instead of alone?

If you do truly love each other, you’ll both make an effort. If you don’t love him enough to make more time for him, why are you afraid of losing him? That’s an important question to ask yourself. Because you haven’t painted a picture of a particularly dynamic, fulfilling relationship.

In the same way that saying ‘no’ to the things that are taking up most of your time makes room for your boyfriend to enter your world more fully, saying ‘no’ to the wrong guy makes room for the right one to enter your life.

So, start by decluttering your time to make time for your man. If that doesn’t work, it might be time to declutter your love life and make room for Mr. Right.

xoxo

Sandy

 

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