Q & A Wednesday: Why can’t I get set up on a date?

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success, love after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Dear Sandy,

I’m 52 years old. I am smart, look young for my age, I’m in great shape, I have a terrific job as an attorney, and my life is great. Only one thing is missing…a great man! I have asked my friends to keep me in mind for a set up, but they all say the same thing: “Julie, I think you’re great. I wish I had a guy to set you up with, but I don’t know anyone for you. I’m sorry.” I am so frustrated. Any tips on how to meet more men?


Hi Julie,

It can be very frustrating to know where to find great men. You’re on the right track with asking for set-ups, but you might benefit from tweaking your approach.

Here’s what I suggest.

Make a date with a friend who knows everyone, a connector. I’m sure you have friends like that. Set up a time to meet for coffee or lunch, but don’t tell her what you want to discuss. Keep it a mystery…

Then meet her for coffee/lunch and tell her, “I am ready to find love this year, but I need your help. Your husband works out at the New York Health club, right? Maybe he’s met some great guys in the gym.

Or how about your friend Jane? Doesn’t she work for that law firm in the city? I get along great with lawyers. Maybe someone in her office is single.”

And so it goes. You plant seeds, think outside the box. And make sure to follow up with your friend a week later to see how it’s going.

Set up a date with a connector today, and let me know what happens.




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