Q & A Wednesday: Why doesn’t anyone fix me up?

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success, love after 40, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 1 comment

Dear Sandy,

I’ve had my profile up on Match.com for almost a year, and I’ve only had one or two dates. I want to find a great guy, but online dating doesn’t seem to work for me. I’ve tried just about everything else. The guys I meet at social events don’t usually ask me out. My friends don’t fix me up. I am sure my friends know men that I haven’t met. Why won’t they set me up?


Dear Nancy,

I can empathize with your frustration about the lack of men who seem available for you to date. While I don’t personally know you, there are many reasons why dating can seem exasperating.

Truth is, there are millions of single men out there. Your job is to find ONE. How hard can that be?

Yeah, I know it’s not easy to find the one that is a good fit for you, but trust me, he’s out there. You just need to find each other.

So, how do you meet that great guy? You spoke about fix-ups. This is an excellent way to meet someone. You just have to know the right way to ask…

Here’s how it usually goes down:


Nancy: “Jane, I’d like to meet a great guy. Perhaps you know some guys who might be a good match for me?”

Jane: “Nancy, you are so amazing. I wish I knew a great guy for you. You know I’d fix you up if I knew anyone. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone, but I’ll keep my eyes open.”

Frustrating, right?

Well, if you’ve ever networked for business, you know that the people you network with are not always the ones who do business with you. They are often referral sources.

Same goes for dating. The people you approach for fix-ups are referral sources. They know people who know people who know people…

You need to plant seeds and brainstorm with the right people in order to find a good fix-up.

Here’s how to effectively ask for fix-ups.


Nancy chooses Jane, someone who is a connector and knows tons of people, to approach for a fix-up. She starts with a lunch date.

Nancy: “Jane, I’d like to get together with you for lunch on Tuesday. I have something important to talk to you about.”

Jane: “Great, let’s meet at Haiku for sushi at noon. I can’t wait to hear about what you want to discuss. I am intrigued!”

It’s good to keep her guessing and not tell her the real reason you’re meeting. Mystery is fun!

At lunch onTuesday, this is how the conversation might go:

Nancy: “Hey Jane, I’m really interested in finding lasting love this year. I’ve tried many ways of meeting men, and haven’t yet found ‘the one’. You seem to know tons of people. Do you know any single guys at work who might be a good fit for me?”

Jane: “Nancy, I’d love to introduce you to a great guy. Come to think of it, John in accounting is single. He’s good looking and seems sweet. I’ll find out more about him.”

Nancy: “Thank you so much. What about your husband? Doesn’t he belong to Planet Fitness? Maybe he’s met some interesting guys at the gym? Would you be willing to ask him if he knows anyone who would be a good match for me?”

Jane: “What a great idea! I’ll ask him when he gets home from work tonight. I’ll let you know as soon as I have some good prospects for you.”

Nancy: “You’re the best, Jane. Thank you so much. You don’t know how grateful I am that you might be able to find me some dates.”

Do you see the difference between scenarios one and two?

I am sure you have friends who are connectors. Contact one or two and ask them to lunch. Effectively ask them for fix-ups using my technique, and send me an invitation to the wedding : )






1 Comment

  1. Hi Nancy, just curious what part of the country are u located in? I am Salvador

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