Q & A Wednesdays: How do I screen out Mr. Wrong without pushing away Mr. Right?

Posted by in dating after divorce, love after 40, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

Dear Sandy,

I am definitely someone who is looking for Mr. Right. Because I am obsessed with it, I see things that maybe aren’t there. I’m really only interested in dating men who are serious and commitment minded, i.e. are looking for a committed relationship and not just a fling. How do I “screen” without getting into the trap I just mentioned above? I want to date without stress of “is he the one”. I also want to screen out players who have no interest in commitment.

Dee Dee

Dear Dee Dee,

Glad to hear you’re looking for Mr. Right. I’m going to dissect your question a bit…

You said, “Because I am obsessed with it, I see things that maybe aren’t there.” I am not clear about what you meant by ‘seeing things that aren’t there’, but I am going to address what I think you might be saying.

First, you used the word ‘obsessed’, which has a negative energy to it. If you are obsessed with finding Mr. Right, you will bring a sense of anxiety and suspicion with you, which is what I sense you are doing.

Sounds like you’ve been burnt by Mr. Wrong. Most of us have at some point in our lives.

When you carry the hurt of the past to the next relationship, it affects the outcome of that potential relationship.

Once you heal from the past relationship, you can let go of pushing your expectations on each man you meet. You’ll be magnetic to love, not suspicious of pain.

That is not to say that you should not have your core requirements in what you’re seeking in a partner. You definitely should have standards.

And those standards should include looking for a man who has great character. Pay attention to how his words and action line up. Tune into how you feel when you’re with him. Do you feel safe? Understood? Heard? Valued?

That’s the guy who is a candidate for Mr. Right. That’s the guy who is worth developing a relationship with.

But don’t date until you’ve healed from your past wounds. Otherwise, you’ll bring that suspicious negative energy to each date, and you might scare a way a potential Mr. Right.

How to Heal From Mr. Wrong

  1. Begin your healing process with learning to let go of the past. Each time you have a negative thought about men, ask yourself where this belief came from.
  2. Then ask yourself if it’s really true, without a doubt. Is it possible that it’s not 100% true of all men?
  3. Next, create a new story, a new belief about men. Turn around that negative statement into a positive one.
  4. Then repeat that as your mantra every day for a week.

See what happens.

You should begin to attract positive energy all around you. Let me know how it goes.





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