Relationship Rules for the Bedroom and Boardroom

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bedroom and boardroom

Author, leader, coach, Lance Secretan, shares valuable thoughts on how to inspire in the bedroom and boardroom.

Lance Secretan is renowned worldwide as a prolific author of best-selling books on leadership, and as an advisor, coach, and mentor to leaders. He holds a masters degree from the University of Southern California and a Ph.D. in International Relations from the London School of Economics. He is the 1999 recipient of the International Caring Award from the Caring Institute.

I brought Lance back to Last First Date Radio for an encore appearance, because he has so much wisdom to share about work and love. Here are loosely transcribed highlights of our show on the new rules for the bedroom and boardroom.

Relationship Rules for the Bedroom and Boardroom

What are some of the reasons why successful leaders don’t have successful relationships?

Many leaders separate the bedroom and boardroom. Many sacrifice their relationships for their work life.

My last book was about my amazing, inspiring relationship with my late wife. What we need to talk about more is inspiration. This applies to both home and work. A marriage stops working because it’s no longer inspiring. A brand like Starbucks or Apple is inspiring, or it stops working. There’s magic. When the magic is gone, the relationship breaks up.

So many singles say, “All the good ones are taken.” What’s your take on this?

Over 50% of people in the world are single. There’s someone out there for you. Stop searching for the right person. Instead, become a magnet for the right person. Choose to always be inspiring. 

For a great relationship, you need an alignment of interests. I’m engaged with the outside world. And I’m busy, traveling. Someone who doesn’t like being outside won’t be a part of my life. I have met a new woman, and it’s a special relationship. A friend who’s a top skier has a mutual friend, and one day we were in the same place, and the rest is history. I was in big pain after my wife died. I still am in big pain. I am also aware of opportunity. If I see something that’s remarkable, I won’t let it slip through my hands. 

A lot of women say there are no good men out there. All the good women must be married to the good men. There have to be an even number out there! One of the issues that is troubling is the cynicism. People say things like, “Men are like parking meters. There are very few of them and they’re all taken.” 

Humility and vulnerability are essential to a great relationship. What kills a relationship is ego. Instead of leading with ego, be a magnet to pull the good energy towards you.

Do people leave jobs for the same reason they leave relationships?

People are inspired by their new job and new boss and hope for the best. Sometimes, the inspiration starts to evaporate, and with just a little of that, you can survive. If it deteriorates badly, you leave. Say to yourself, I’m only going to be inspiring, and I will be in jobs and relationships that inspire me. Put your foot on the gas and live fully!

How do we get leaders to build inspiring relationships in EVERY aspect of their lives, and to see that they are all connected?

There is a strong connection between love and work. What you do in one reflects what you do in the other.  

If you think that your relationship at home doesn’t show up at work, that’s wrong. If you’d change the relationship you have at home, you’d have a better relationship at work. My late wife filled my heart when I went to work. She was directly influential with the outcomes that I was bringing to major corporations. Most people don’t understand that connection.

What can people do to change the dynamic in the bedroom and boardroom?

Remember that it’s all about serving. In your romantic and work relationships, ask yourself, “How can I be a better partner? How can I serve better?” If you do that, how can you not receive the same thing? If you don’t, there’s something deeply wrong with the relationship. 

Play is very important, too. My wife and I engaged in a lot of rituals; the way we played with our dog, sent cards, watched the clouds together. At work, you don’t think of executives as sharing rituals, but it’s important to do group activities, or hang out and share a drink together with your team.

We have to live this, not intellectualize it. We need to breathe it. 


I love Lance’s inspiring message, don’t you?

To listen to the episode, click here.

To subscribe to Last First Date Radio on iTunes and listen to/download any of the 185+ shows, click here.

Photo: Flickr/Mehmet Pinarci

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