Safe to Love During COVID-19 and Beyond
Dr. Gary Salyer is an expert on helping people feel safe to love, especially during COVID-19. Listen to this very important episode.
Dr. Gary Salyer is a transformational relationship mentor who helps singles and couples rewrite the rules for love in their brains so they can create a love that lasts. He’s the author of, Safe to Love Again: How to Release the Pain of Past Relationships and Create the Love You Deserve.
In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- What it means to be safe to love, especially during the pandemic
- How our Attachment Style influences our romantic partner choices
- Your basic human rights when it comes to love
- The challenges created during the pandemic for singles and couples
- The inner work that helps you finally find lasting love
Safe to Love During COVID-19 and Beyond
Tell us a little about your book, Safe to Love Again, and why you wrote it.
I wrote it from my own pilgrimage. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. In college, my psychology professor had me take a personality test and told me I had a 90 percent chance of getting divorced. After two divorces, I realized in spite of my education in psychology, I hadn’t yet changed my relationship patterns. I set out to crack the code.
It’s about changing your attachment system. It creates more worth and empowerment, which helps you feel safe to love again.
What do you think are the most difficult dating and relationship challenges created by COVID-19?
This virus is playing havoc on our right to separate and belong, to feel cherished and protected. For singles, there is no right to belong. For couples, you don’t want to be together all the time. You want to separate and then come back together.
During COVID, when you’re dating and want to become intimate, create a preliminary couple bubble. It’s a commitment to create a space that feels physiologically safe to both of you and build trust. You may want to quarantine for two weeks before physical contact, and give up other socializing in order to get together.
The gift behind this is being able to signs of the ‘we’; what sort of partnership are they creating that feels safe to you?
The other gift is that we’re going deeper in online dating, having more virtual dates, choosing quality over quantity.
How can singles increase the success of their Zoom or FaceTime dates?
It’s easy to create a false sense of intimacy and connection with very long first dates on Zoom. Keep the first date short, fifteen or twenty minutes. Get interested in how their day is going. Ask how they feel, and answer with feelings, not “I feel that…”
Do you have any tips for dealing with the loneliness and isolation so many singles are feeling now?
Make all feelings safe. All feelings are valid.
What do you think the dating scene will look like after the pandemic?
We’ll have learned what it’s like to go deeper instead of always thinking there’s someone better out there. It’s about finding the essence of a person you can’t find elsewhere.
Online dating gives us too many choices. Barry Schwartz wrote about the paradox of choice, that having too much choice can lead to not being able to choose or take it seriously. When given only two choices, you can really get to know people better.
If you’re looking for a lasting committed relationship, get to know each other. When you find the essence of a person you can’t find elsewhere, that’s the gateway to lasting love.
Check out Gary’s previous interview on Last First Date Radio here.
https://garysalyer.com/ for a free gift, Love Inspirations.
If you’re a single woman tired of attracting unavailable men, go to garysalyer.com/available for a free gift on how to attract available men.
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