The True Secrets to Finding and Keeping Love After 40

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Keeping Love After 40

My radio guest, Sonika Tinker shares the secrets to finding and keeping love after 40. Solid advice. Mindset shifts that you can begin today!

keeping love after 40My radio guest, Sonika Tinker, MSW, is a Business Owner, Relationship Expert, Certified Mediator, Certified Enneagram Teacher, Certified NLP Professional, Co-Author of The Good Divorce and the Founder of LoveWorks, a relationship training company. Sonika has over 35 years experience teaching thousands of singles and couples an innovative, uplifting approach to life and relationship that works!

She produces and leads live transformational trainings and online courses with her husband, Christian Pedersen, and has a private practice in Northern California.

Highlights below for episode #270: For Singles Who Are Sick Of Dating And Getting Nowhere…

The True Secrets to Finding and Keeping Love After 40

How may you be killing love before it even gets started?

I see singles have an expectation to find their soul mate and have an instantaneous spark, immediately knowing he’s the one. Their hopes get dashed if the person is not the one. Many people also feel written off too quickly. 

A lot of studies point to the fact that while most people believe in love at first site, only 11% of people fall in love at first glance. Most people fall in love over time. 

That’s why if you don’t allow love a chance, you might miss an opportunity for a relationship to grow. 

 

How do you gather the right data to know whether to give a person a chance?

The most important thing to ask yourself after a date is, are you willing to see this person again? Does it feel good enough to want to see him again? If you’re just mildly put off, give that person another opportunity. 

Don’t go into a date looking for a spouse; look for someone you want to see one more time. 

When people go out on dates, they are in a reactive stance. “I’m going to show up like a passive observer. I set myself up to wait and see what happens instead of proactively creating a positive experience.” If you want intimacy, you want to give yourself a challenge and be in your power and make two requests regarding intimacy. Or if you want to be transparent and honest, find a way to be more vulnerable on your dates. 

 

How can you make a romantic connection on a date (instead of a colleague to colleague or friend connection)?

Think backwards. What type of connection do you want to create? Do you want to create intimacy, be in your power? When you can think about the experience you want to create and go in creating it by being it, it’s the same skill you’re going to need to be in relationship.

Don’t wait for your date to do it all for you. 

Ask yourself, how do I want to feel after a date? You get to create an experience to be appreciated for who you are and share your passions. You get to leave a man better than he was before. 

We’re great at seeing our children, parents, and people we are dating in all the ways they’re falling short. They only hear criticism. Don’t fix them. Appreciate them for who they are.

Love and judgment are opposites. Grant someone the space to exist as they are. 

 

What’s one thing singles can do today to shift into a more effective dating mindset?

Trust that you are a powerful person and can make good on anything that shows up on a date. You don’t have to be so protective at the get-go. When you take in that powerful trust in yourself, and add to that creating a positive experience. practice initiating conversation, asking for what you want, negotiating win/win situations, there is less at stake, more freedom, and you’ll be more yourself. When you attract a mate it will be from a great place. 

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Sonika is offering a free gift for singles. Discover the five unconscious mistakes singles make every day. Click here for your free gift. 


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