Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?
I’m really struggling here. My ex and I went out for 2 years, it didn’t get serious until about a year or more in. Last year, he dumped me about 9 times. Every time we had a disagreement or argument (caused by him), he would end it saying it’s not working and I deserve better and he didn’t want to hurt me. Then he would come back apologizing profusely, saying he didn’t want to lose me. Finally in June this year, when we were due to move in together, he left our hotel room when I was in the shower and flew home. He later contacted me, saying he would always love me but felt he was too young (he’s 24, I’m 28).
He got back in touch 4 months later begging to see me again. I got back with him for about 6 weeks before he dumped me by text over a really stupid disagreement. He texted again saying sorry, none of it was my fault. He knows he’s got a problem, he’ll always have a special place for me in his heart and head, that he knows he’ll never find anyone as beautiful, special, kind, caring again, goodbye and wishes me the best in life.
I worry he’ll be back in touch again. I love him so much and he told me he wanted to be with me forever. We had made all these plans.
Do I forget all about him? Or do I get back together with my ex and try again?
How many times do you want to get dumped and abused by your boyfriend before you’re ready to dump him to the curb for good?
He’s telling you, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Believe him. He’s got issues. A guy doesn’t waltz in and out of a woman’s life, tell her she’s amazing, beautiful and special, and then dump her over and over again. He should be doing everything in his power to make sure you don’t leave.
Why would you want a boyfriend who is unkind, unpredictable, and doesn’t value you? Sure, he says he does, but his words and actions don’t match.
DO NOT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR EX!
You got that? Stop thinking about all the lovely things he said and did. Think about all the awful times when he dumped you and was unkind. Pay attention to the negatives. A guy like that won’t change any time soon unless he chooses to. But don’t hold your breath waiting for him to change. Move on and find someone who cherishes you and treats you well.
Here’s a quick checklist so when you’re out dating again (after you’ve taken some time to heal), you choose a good guy and not another bad boy.
5 Traits of a Good Boyfriend
1. His words and actions match. He doesn’t just say lovely things about you to your face. He shows you that he cares by putting you first, remembering the things that are important to you, and being generally thoughtful with his words and actions.
2. He is consistent. He calls when he says he will. He gradually escalates the relationship, from first phone call/text, to first date, to dating weekly, to seeing each other several times a week, to being exclusive.
3. He is honest and trustworthy. You can rely on him to have your back. He’s got your best interests in mind. He can keep secrets and you confide in him. He’s a great friend.
4. When the going gets tough, he stays. He doesn’t walk out on you when you argue. He stays and works thing out, even when the going gets rough. He admits to being wrong. He knows how to communicate.
5. He takes responsibility for himself. He doesn’t shame you or call you names or blame you when things don’t go his way. He takes responsibility for his share of the issues, and is open to working on himself and working things out with you.
You deserve better, Stephanie. Please release this guy and move on. You will find a loving relationship with a good guy, but only after you let go of this dude for good.
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