Should I Post Online Dating Profile Photos?

Posted by in love after 40, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

online dating profile photosDear Sandy,

I have a friend who has a lot of experience with online dating. She said that what she’s learned is that women need to approach men by writing to them first, and not just wait for whoever contacts us.  I think you’ve given the same advice, right?

She also told me about an attractive friend of hers who’s my age (49) who didn’t put her photos up online. She would contact men she was interested in and offer to send them photos individually. That way she avoided being bombarded by all the riffraff.  What do you think of that approach? Should I post online dating profile photos or just reserve them for the men I like?


Dear Peggy,

I absolutely advocate for women taking initiative and contacting men first. Otherwise, you simply get whatever falls into your net. Think about it this way – if you were applying for a job, would you contact the companies you were interested in or post your resume on a job site and wait to see who contacts you? When your search is more targeted, you’ll get much better results. Be the chooser and select the men you like. Write them a flirty fun email and see who writes back.

Should you post online dating profile photos?

As for not posting photos, I vehemently disagree, and I’m not usually that black and white when it comes to dating dos and don’ts. The number one reason men don’t contact women is because they don’t post photos. If you read men’s profiles, you’ll often see, “If you don’t have a photo, please don’t contact me.”

Online dating is like window shopping at a giant mall. Most men are looking at photos and within seconds, they decide “yes” or “no”. They don’t want to work that hard to find out more about you. The photo is the first thing they see. If it attracts him, he’ll probably read your essay and then contact you. Men are very visual.

And this is not just a male thing. You probably skip profiles of men without photos, too. I usually do.

About the low-lifes, the losers, the liars, and others who lurk online? If you’re online, you’re probably going to get “bombarded by riffraff”, but you can control your inbox. Decide who you choose to write back, who you delete, and who you block.

So, go ahead and post those photos. Choose between 5-10 pics that tell a story about you. One can be formal in a cocktail dress. Another outdoors doing something you love like hiking or gardening. One with your pet if you have one (but not your profile pic. He’s dating you, not your dog or cat).

Post a warm inviting closeup for your profile pic. Smile. Make sure the lighting is good. Professional photos are lovely, but only if they are natural. No department store photo department specials! You don’t want those weird props and tie died backdrops.

When you post pictures from different parts of your life (work, vacation, sports), you will inspire a man to write and ask you about what you were doing in the photo. What a great way to get the conversation going!

So post online dating profile photos and start meeting those great guys. You might have to sift through some of the riffraff to find them, but it’s definitely worth the effort.

Hope that helps!


For a copy of Sandy’s FREE report, “The Top Three Mistakes Midlife Daters Make (and how to turn them around to find love now)” please click here.

‘Like’ Sandy’s  Facebook page for inspiring posts on dating and relationships & links to her weekly radio show.




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