Should You Sleep With a Guy on the 1st Date?

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success | 0 comments

couple in bedDear Sandy,

I am 41-years old, divorced after a 15-year marriage.  I am ‘normal’ and have a good career.  I have 3 sons. I am confident and have no problem getting dates. My friends say I’m beautiful inside and out, and many men flirt with me.  My question is should you sleep with a guy on the 1st date?  Some men who sleep with me on a first date and want to be in a relationship with me, but they are not at all what I’m looking for. But the ones I really like, who I sleep or don’t sleep with, don’t seem to want to go past a first or second date.  Why can’t I land the good ones?


Dear Lisa,

You asked me two questions:

1. Should you sleep with a guy on the 1st date?

2. Why can’t I land the good ones?

I’ll answer your first question first. Generally speaking, I would advise you not to sleep with a guy before you’re in an exclusive relationship. This is to protect you from going into a relationship with false expectations and giving of yourself before a guy develops true feelings for you. If you’re very attracted to a man, the oxytocin hormones that you release during sex bond you and make you forget your rational thinking. This will often lead you to focus on his positive traits but overlook his red flags. So, know the type of man who is best suited to you. Set up some romantic goals, and feel free to make out with him on a first date if you like, but be a woman of dignity.

Have sexual boundaries and the right guy will respect you and cherish you for your standards.

Which leads me to your second question. Why can’t you land the good ones?

Follow my dating principles of being more self-respectful, setting your romantic goals about what type of man you’d like to end up with, and not settling for a guy who doesn’t treat you with respect. You’ll end up with one of the ‘good ones’.

A good guy is attracted to a woman who loves herself enough to know she’s in control of her body and mind. She makes good choices as to whom she’ll sleep with, whom she’ll get out with more than once, and whom she’ll marry.

Don’t give up the goods until you know he’s chosen to be exclusive with you. You’ll end up with a quality guy, and you can leave the men you’re not interested in for other women to date.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. I know women who slept with a guy on a first date and ended up in a wonderful relationship. Some even got married. But that’s not the norm. If you had told me you were just interested in casual sex, then I’d say you should go ahead and sleep with anyone you like as long as you use protection and stay safe.

But it sounds like you’re looking for the real deal. So, flirt and enjoy dating, but only sleep with the man who honors, respects and cherishes you for the whole package – not just how good you are in bed.



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