Signs of Infidelity: Is Your Partner Cheating?
How do you recognize signs of a partner cheating? Gregory Smith, an expert on infidelity, shares practical clear advise on how to spot a cheater.
My radio guest, Gregory Smith is the Founder of midlifebachelor.com, and the author of “How to Successfully Recover from Having Been Cheated On” and “Signs of Infidelity – How to Know for Sure If Your Partner is Cheating”. Gregory has counseled thousands of men and women through various situations involving infidelity. He has seen literally EVERYTHING in terms of how people hide their infidelities … what they do, how they do it, how they hide things, and how they’ve been discovered. Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our radio show on Last First Date Radio.
Signs of Infidelity: Is Your Partner Cheating?
What is the best way to discover if your partner is cheating?
There are three ways to know:
1. Solid proof: walking in on your spouse fooling around
2. Eyewitness: a trusted friend sees something and tells you
3. The most common is a collection of circumstantial evidence, which lead to major or minor signs of cheating.
1. Your partner shows up at home after being gone for a while, and they have a red flushed face. It’s a common sign that they’ve taken Viagra or Cialis in the past three hours. A woman might have a red face because she was rubbing up against a man’s stubble.
2. Someone heads directly to the shower when they’ve been gone or out of touch. They’re probably trying to get rid of something – their partner’s odor or something else.
3. Any type of secrecy: cell phone, credit card, etc.
I advocate for people to keep a running list with dates and times and see if there’s a pattern that fits infidelity. Never jump to a conclusion right away. Draw an informed conclusion based on the totality of what’s going on.
What are the implications of simply asking your partner if he or she has cheated on you?
You first have to think through what you would do if you found out that the answer was yes.
You can do nothing. You can ask your partner to leave. You can leave. If you leave, there could be implications that would adversely affect your community or property rights.
Do emotional or mental affairs constitute infidelity?
An emotional affair is an affair. It’s often a precursor to a physical affair. The definition of an emotional affair is that your partner has an emotional connection to someone else that is greater than the one they have with you. It usually starts slow and builds.
Some signs to look out for: your partner excessively talks about their new friend, brings their name up, or if the partner asks them to let go of the friendship, they’re not willing to surrender it. Your partner goes to them for support, to share good news before they go to you. You may notice a diminished sexual interest in you from your partner. If that happens, it’s likely they are beginning a sexual affair with that person. Look for email or text messages that are hidden from you. Your partner may say that their new friend understands them better than you do.
What if your partner does cheat on you? How do you heal?
People have to recognize and accept:
1. Better days are coming. Even though today and the next six months are probably going to be awful, you will get through this.
2. This is not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who cheated on you. Don’t accept responsibility for that person’s actions.
3. You cannot change or control someone else’s feelings. You’re only in charge of your own. Don’t try to change him/her.
4. Try not to take it personally. In a good relationship, your partner is open to discussing issues. There’s something about your partner that caused them to cheat instead of working things out or leaving.
5. No matter what your feelings are, they’re okay because they’re your own. It’s okay to feel sad, depressed, or angry. You’ll work through it.
6. Start putting a plan together to move yourself forward. Dating and happiness are down the road. Hire a coach to work through the process. Everyone deserves and is capable of happiness.
Once you have ACCEPTED a partner cheated, what do you need to do to move forward with your life?
1. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Keep in mind that there is happiness at the end for you. In the meantime, you might go through some hardship.
2. Focus on making one decision at a time. Decisions could be moving out, getting your own bank account. Keep moving and take one step at a time.
3. Put an emotional support system in place. Could mean going to a coach or counselor, clergy, trusted family member. Don’t exist in a vacuum. Find your emotional support.
4. Keep yourself busy. Do anything possible to be busy – volunteer, get a part time job.
5. Be nice. It’s easy to be ugly. All that does is create bad karma. Be the good person and take the high road.
6. Give your partner space and have your own space, too. Everyone needs space in order for the process to advance.
7. Keep a journal. Write everything down. Use a password protected word document. Call it something like grandma’s grocery list. You’ll be able to track what you’ve discovered and your recovery.
To listen to the entire episode and learn more about dealing with infidelity, click here.
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