Single this Holiday Season? 5 Ways to Stay Happy (and Sane)
You’re single this Holiday season. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, or Kwanza, the holidays can be challenging. TV commercials paint a Norman Rockwell-esque portrait of couples-happy-in-love during the holidays. It can make you want to throw things at your flatscreen. When everyone around you seems to be happily coupled, it can be tough to stay positive (and sane) around the holidays. But have no fear! Help is on the way…
Single this holiday season? 5 Ways to Stay Happy (and Sane)
1. Stop looking for happiness over there.
Do you ever wonder why happy couples get to be so lucky? Why is their life so much better than yours? Why do they have better sex, more money, an easier life, more fun and excitement than you? Here’s the deal: nobody’s life is that perfect. Everyone – couples and singles – has their share of s%^*t. It’s how they deal with it that matters. You may not get to pick much of the bad stuff that happens, but you DO get to choose how to handle it.
Take a moment to focus on what you do have, not what you don’t. Comparison can lead to misery. It might help to keep a daily gratitude list. You can take a few minutes before going to sleep or when you wake up to write down what you’re grateful for. Scientific studies show that having a gratitude practice is one of the keys to being a happier person. And happier people attract the best relationships.
Here’s a challenge for you: make a list of 5 reasons why you’re grateful to be single during the holidays. I can think of a few: you get to do whatever you want whenever you want, you save money on gifts for him, and you don’t have to shave your legs.
2. Tell your gremlin to take a hike.
You know that little voice inside your head that says, “Don’t try online dating. There are liars and scammers online. You’ll only get hurt. Stay single. It’s safer.” That gremlin voice, saboteur, or inner critic served its purpose a long time ago. It kept you safe. Now it’s just keeping you from growing and attaining the happiness you deserve.
If you notice any of those negative voices popping up during the holidays (or any other time), tell your gremlin to take a hike. Opening your heart to love is risky. That’s why your gremlin wants you to stay single. That way, you won’t get hurt – and you won’t experience the incredible feeling of being in a loving relationship at the prime of your life. Your gremlin can stay single for as long as he or she likes. Learn to tame your gremlin, and you’ll stay happier and open yourself to deeper (vulnerable, yummy) connection on your path to love.
3. Live in the present.
Happiness is not something you need to discover; it is already within you, waiting to be unveiled. To be truly happy is to unblock the shields to your happiness, uncover the joy within, and share it with others. What’s blocking you from being a happy single? Make a list of your beliefs about why you’re single. For each belief, ask yourself the following 4 questions (courtesy of Byron Katie):
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
When you begin to look for contrary evidence for your limiting beliefs about love, relationships, and why you’re still single, it will help you move past the pain and into a much more positive mindset.
4. Be positive and smile often.
When you smile and give someone your undivided attention, it makes him feel special. Your aura of happiness will rub off on whoever you’re with. So, this holiday season, wherever you go, be more positive. Smile often. Listen to someone with your whole heart. Happiness and positivity are contagious. If you’re feeling less than stellar, fake it. When I first started dating after my divorce, my confidence was in the toilet. I faked it on every date until I became the confident self-assured woman I am today. Try it and you’ll soon see the positive impact on your well-being.
5. Ditch your negative energy.
Drop resentments. When you hold onto anger and negativity, it only hurts you. If you want a happy life and a joyous relationship, it’s important to let go of the anger you feel towards another person. You don’t have to condone their bad behavior in order to move on. When you erase your negative thoughts, stay positive with the words you say, and do acts of kindness, you will live a happier life. And happier people attract happier people. Joy begets joy. When you’re living your best life, you will attract your highest quality partner.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.-Mahatma Gandhi
How are you staying happy and positive during the Holidays and beyond? Please share your thoughts below.
Wishing you a joyous Holiday season, no matter what state of relationship you’re in!
Note: This article first appeared in Better After 50