Smart Relationship Advice from Gerald Rogers

Posted by in communication skills in dating, dating after divorce | 3 comments

relationship adviceMy radio guest, Gerald Rogers, is a bestselling author, transformational leader, speaker and coach. Gerald is internationally known for his virtual sensation that has touched millions worldwide– The Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had and for his LIVE BIG breakthrough seminars.

Gerald’s passion for love, life, and helping others has led him to be featured on The Today Show, NBC, ABC, the Huffington Post and 100’s of radio shows and blog posts across the world. Recently he was recognized and featured by Pope Francis in an article entitled “A Man Gives You 20 Tips to Not Get a Divorce”.

Following are loosely transcribed highlights of our radio show on Last First Date Radio.

Smart Relationship Advice from Gerald Rogers

Why should someone take marriage advice from a divorced guy?

The day after my divorce, I sat down and thought about what I’d learned. I thought, “What is it that makes successful relationships work?” I wrote down 20 principles, hoping that they’d help a few people. It went viral, and all these people started asking for marriage advice. My pain helped me learn. I’m not a guru. But I learned from my divorce. Who would I be to NOT share that information, the gift that I learned.

What are the most valuable things you wished you understood during your marriage?

The role of masculinity and femininity in relationships. Men feel emasculated. Women become the dominant one in the relationship. You need to create a healthy masculine/feminine dynamic. When women feel safety and trust, they can surrender with his masculine strength behind them. The feminist movement destroyed femininity. Power comes from the woman embracing her femininity in a relationship and knowing how to surrender. A man needs to be conscious of stepping up to be the hero.

It’s important to understand the core needs for the man and woman. Man needs to be respected, to feel like a hero. He feels on top of the world. Confident, dynamic. Wants to make a woman feel love, cherished, and adored. That’s how he wins. A woman wants to feel like a queen.

When you’re married and in unconscious patterns, it’s hard to know what your spouse wants. 

When a woman sees her husband’s flaws, she finds all the ways her man can be a better person. That often leads to nagging, complaining, or criticizing. She becomes demanding. The moment she criticizes, it emasculates him. The mans’ pattern is either lashing out and defending, or more commonly, he withdraws emotionally and retreats into his man cave. He’s a wounded little boy who wants to be a hero.

If he feels he can’t win in the relationship, he’ll often look outside of the relationship for validation in a sexual or emotional affairs, or he’ll retreat and shut her out. A woman will do the same if a man isn’t present, validating her. 

How can people get to know their partner’s core needs?

Express to each other what makes you feel loved. One of the exercises in my book is how to communicate what we need to each other. We usually play a guessing game and try to be a psychic about what the other person is saying without having a conversation. We communicate from our love language, not theirs. The 5 love languages are: physical touch, words of affirmation, or gifts, or quality time, or acts of service. If your primary love languages are different, you will not feel loved by your partner. You won’t be speaking each other’s language. 

So, be clear in expressing how you can win in the relationship. Write ten things that make you feel loved. That way, you set the relationship up for success. 

What do you see as the biggest problems in relationships?

The biggest problems in relationships happen because people lose themselves in their relationships. If you’re unhappy with yourself, you won’t find happiness in the relationship. You have to reclaim yourself and have permission to nurture yourself. Create a list of things to do to nurture yourself. Shopping, hot bath, massage? Whatever it is, build your relationship with yourself first. 

To listen to and download this episode, click here.

Comments

3 Comments

  1. Wow. I’m shocked by this message.

  2. Me too. And what is a guy who looks to be about 35 doing giving advice to women over 40? I was not impressed by this man and his message.

  3. I think there are some great points in here. It will certainly help me be a better partner for my love

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