How to Spot a Psychopath Before You Become a Victim

Posted by in dating a dangerous man, online dating after 40, red flags in relationships | 0 comments


A psychopath doesn’t just show up on Dateline. He could be on an online dating site, looking for his next victim. Don’t let that be you!

Author, Dianne Emerson, has become a bit of a psychopath expert. She created the first online support forum for victims of psychopaths over 18 years ago. She discovered many things from the victim’s perspective over the years and wanted to learn more about how psychopaths operate. 

After interviewing psychopaths through a comprehensive survey, she learned that they seek out a specific type, and people can be victimized several times over their lifetime. She wrote, Psychopaths in Our Lives: My Interviewsto inform the public about how they get trapped in relationships with psychopaths and  how to spot them before it goes too far. 

She joined me on Last First Date Radio and shared excellent tips on how to spot a psychopath before you become a victim. Highlights of the show below.

How to Spot a Psychopath Before You Become a Victim

How is a person targeted by a psychopath? 

Usually they seek out a profile. I interviewed three male psychopaths in my book. I wanted to know what tools they use and what kind of person they look for. They seek out kind and caring people. These people ignored the first red flags. These people are able to be controlled. A psychopath feeds off of your behaviors and emotions. I was stunned at how self-perceptive they are. They use gas-lighting to alter reality so it appears to be fact. 

My concern is that online dating is a psychopath highway. Many psychopaths meet their victims online. They listen to you and ‘find the keys to your safe’. [The victim] wants to be heard. [It feels like someone ‘gets’ them.]

But psychopaths are in it for the long run, to control you. 

What’s a boundary that could stop a psychopath in his tracks?

Look for red flags.

Ask yourself, “Have I talked the whole night and overshared because he’s listening and asking the right questions?”

Notice if he moves too quickly. He’s not necessarily attractive, just has charm and charisma. A psychopath will listen to you and collect your damage to throw back at you.

[If you notice any of these signs, step back. Give yourself time to process. Ask yourself, ‘Is this too good to be true?’ It probably is.

Set boundaries for yourself by saying, “I’m not comfortable. You’re moving too fast. I’d like to slow things down a bit.”]


How do psychopaths look for victims?

They look for people who are kind and caring, have poor boundaries, people with abusive childhoods, vulnerable people. You can have high esteem at work and low esteem in your personal/romantic life. 

If you’ve ever been a victim of a psychopath, please make sure you get proper support. You deserve to be loved and cherished by a healthy man.

To listen to the entire episode, click here. 

To listen to/subscribe/rate and review on iTunes, please click here.



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