Step-By-Step Guide to Finding Love That Lasts
Want to know how to create love that lasts? Check out this episode of Last First Date Radio, and you’ll hear some important tips.
After having been “friend-zoned”, George Araman was able to discover his life’s purpose–to show singles, people who have been “friend-zoned”, and couples how to find love that lasts.
He has dedicated himself to researching, experimenting, and writing about healthy relationships. He came on my podcast to talk about his book, The Grey Dance of Love. a Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Love that Lasts.
Can you tell us a little more about what inspired you to write The Grey Dance of Love and do the work you do?
About two years ago, I was friend-zoned by my best friend. For the first few weeks, I played the victim. I asked myself, “Why do I always attract the wrong people?” Then I saw this as an opportunity. I read more than 200 books, thousands of articles, and I eventually wrote the book.
Tell us about the eight characters you’ve identified that show up in our love lives.
I identified eight relationship archetypes, and most of us belong to a combination of them.
1 and 2 are Mr. and Mrs. Bad Sparks: Lust, chemistry, love at first sight, attraction, leading to short term relationships. These are the bad boys and bad girls.
3 and 4 are Mr. and Mrs. Nice Mirror. These archetypes used to be Mr. and Mrs Bad Sparks, but over time, things shifted. For example, if Mrs. Bad Sparks became Mrs. Nice Mirror. She was very feminine and became more masculine by going to work and getting involved in her career. We were not told how to adapt to the changes in our culture and society. Mr. Bad Sparks becomes more feminine. What happens in the relationship, is they’re good as friends, but not good when it comes to passion. This effects their relationship.
5 and 6 are Mr. and Mrs. Friend Amore: They are the doormat and the tomboy. She can play basketball with the guys. He has become a doormat by being a people pleaser. This often happens when you grow up with a feminine father and masculine mother.
The ideal is…
7 and 8 Mr. and Mrs. Grey Dance: They are really good at being vulnerable. What is grey dance? This is referring to the grey in a relationship, not only rational or only emotional, but a combination of both.
You break relationships into three stages or types – what are they?
We all dance between the three stages. It’s important to be in the flow of all three.
- Passion/attraction: This is about Ego love
- Reverse of power: When man becomes more feminine and woman becomes more masculine. This is learning about becoming friends and a long-term partner.
- Unconditional love and acceptance: Embracing both passion and friendship.
What are some of the most common mistakes people make when they’re starting a relationship?
- It’s important to have two types of skills, dating and relationship skills. We tend to have one or the other.
- Another mistake is having a fixed mindset. Adapt a growth mindset to have a thriving relationship.
- Also, entitlement mentality is what leads to expecting your partner to read your mind. Be direct and speak up!
What kind of skills do you think everyone needs to have for a romantic relationship to succeed?
Dating skills: Eye contact is crucial. When you’re on a date or have special moments together, eye contact creates intimacy and connection.
Relationship skills: Be present. Hold space. In general, masculine people tend to give solutions to problems directly. This is not recommended. Just hold space. Help them feel safe to share feelings.
What are your final words of wisdom to help our audience to go on their last first date?
Love yourself. As corny and cheesy as it sounds, love yourself, and embrace both your masculine and feminine sides from within. Be complete from within so you can be in a relationship and heal your wounds or you’ll keeping attracting the wrong partner.
Got to greydanceoflovebook.com to get a copy of George’s book. When you buy the book, you’ll receive 8 valuable bonuses worth more than $700. $1 from each purchase will go to the Unstoppable Foundation to help educate children around the world.
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