Stop Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men!

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emotionally unavailable

Maya Diamond joined me on Last First Date Radio to help women stop dating emotionally unavailable men. This is a must listen!

Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach known for helping people shift their pattern of attracting and dating unavailable men to finding a healthy, satisfying, and fulfilling relationship.

From 2016 through 2018, Maya was named one of the best life coaches in San Francisco by Expertise.com. In 2014, she was named one of the Best Relationship Experts in California by DatingAdvice.com. Maya’s Tedx talk with over 50,000 views is called, The Surprising Key to Building a Healthy Relationship that Lasts. Her dating advice has been featured on Mind Body Green, Elephant Journal, Wikihow, and Fast Company. And she joined me on Last First Date Radio to help us stop attracting emotionally unavailable men!

How to Stop Attracting and Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men

Why do you help women stop attracting emotionally unavailable men?

For ten years, I attracted unavailable partners. Men who didn’t want to commit or who didn’t want the future I wanted. I said I wanted a loving long term relationship, but my actions didn’t match that. It was rooted to my father being unavailable because of addictions. I have done deep healing around that and created a process that shifts the pattern.

Why is the pattern of attracting unavailable partners so hard to break?

It’s almost like an addiction. When you’re with someone who’s unavailable, you get intermittent reinforcement. They call intermittently, so there’s excitement and fear. You’re unsure when the love will come again. Because of the wounding, you think, “If only I can get this person to love me, I’ll heal all the trauma from my childhood.” There’s an unconscious pattern. If it’s familiar to you that you don’t really get your needs met, that’s what you’ll attract over and over. If an available person shows up, your body is not attracted. You can change your ‘palette’ to be attracted to available men.

Is it true that if you attract unavailable partners, there’s a part of you that is unavailable?

We are what we attract. Usually, there’s some part of you that’s unavailable from either childhood wounding or a past relationship that was abusive. That part of you is afraid of love. “If I show my whole self, will he love me?” So you don’t reveal your whole self, because you won’t be in as much pain. That propels you into the pattern of being unavailable. You defend against the thing that hurts you so much. 

What is insecure attachment and why is it so important to heal it?

The four attachment styles are anxious, secure, avoidant, and disorganized.

Anxious, avoidant, and disorganized are insecure attachment styles. We put the other person’s needs before our own in the anxious style. Avoidants felt engulfed or neglected from childhood, so they have self-reliance. Disorganized had the experience of chaos or abuse as a child, so you have anxious and avoidant inside of you. Your parent was the source of love and panic.

Each style requires a different type of healing. We need to give ourselves the love we didn’t have as children, through a variety of different ways. Our sense of self-worth skyrockets. Communication and boundaries improve. You express needs and desires and preferences. Doing this work fosters a sense of interdependence. 

The other work I do is trauma work. We heal the memories of trauma. Our nervous system is calmer. I do EFT, emotional freedom technique, tapping to heal trauma.

If someone’s in an unhealthy relationship, what are some steps they can take?

If you are in a toxic relationship, where you’re not sure the person is healthy for you in some way, and you’re addicted to the relationship:

  1. Get help. It’s hard to get unattached on your own.
  2. If it’s the wrong relationship, get help to leave.

Learn more about Maya, and check out her free webinar and/or sign up for a free love breakthrough call here: https://empowerlove.us/love

Please subscribe/rate and review the podcast here.

If you’re feeling stuck in dating and relationships and would like to find love this year, sign up for a complimentary 1/2 hour breakthrough session with Sandy http://lastfirstdate.com/breakthrough

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