Do I Have to Make Him Chase Me?

Rachel writes that the man she’s been seeing is moody and angry. “Do I have to make him chase me?” Here’s how to know when it’s time to walk away.

Hi Sandy,

I’ve been seeing a man for over a year. We met online over a year ago. However, we had never met in person until recently. Over the course of the year, he would call every day or text. Sometimes late at night, too. We would talk for hours. However, since we met, things have changed drastically, and I have seen that he’s very moody. For example, sometimes he won’t contact me at all, he gets angry easily, usually while talking on the phone. I’m the one that makes time for us. We never would have met if it were not for me. Yes, we’ve had sex. After a year of phone conversation, we both wanted to spend time together. He tells me he wants no drama from me. I know pretty much what you’re going to say but, even though he’s grown on me, do I have to make him chase me?

I’d appreciate any advice. 

Rachel

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Dating a Widower: When Will He Be Ready to Love Again?

When you’re dating a widower, how long does it usually take for him to feel he’s ready for a committed relationship again? 

Dear Sandy,

I have been divorced for three years. The first two years, I worked on myself to recover and get to know myself again. Last January, I felt I was ready to date, so I went on Match. In July, I met a man who was a widower of nine months. He knew I was looking for a serious relationship and wanted to meet me. 

We hit it off right away and are now very very close. However, he is still on Match, and I’ve shut my profile down. That bothers me. I am the first woman he has dated in 32 years. He has been honest with me and says he isn’t ready to settle down in a serious committed relationship, even though he knows that I am.

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Why Do Men Disappear and Reject Me?

men disappear

Ever wonder why men disappear? Whether it’s after a few texts or phone calls, or even a few weeks of dating, when men disappear, it sucks. Try this.

Dear Sandy,

I think I am in the beginning stages of a new man disappearing. We’ve only been talking for five days. Wednesday and Thursday he texted me all day long, he called me, sent kiss emoticons. Today, I didn’t hear from him until I texted him this morning. His replies to anything I sent were short, no emotion, certainly no kisses. We haven’t met in person yet, but I already felt spoiled by his attention. So, I straight up asked him if something was wrong because he seemed distant today. I got no reply.

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Have You Been a Victim of Ghosting in Dating?

ghosting in datingHave you ever been ghosted? If you are not yet familiar with this term, the Huffington Post recently published an article about “ghosting” in dating. This excerpt explains the ghosting phenomenon.

After three months of dating, 23-year-old Michael was optimistic about his relationship with Linda*. They were together often, and he’d even met her parents. One night at dinner, the “where is this going?” conversation came up. Michael and Linda mutually agreed that they wanted to move forward in the relationship. He dropped her off at home, kissed her goodnight … and never heard from her again.

After his attempts to reach her went unanswered, Michael put on his cute-guy hat and delivered Linda’s favorite cupcakes to her office — only to find out his name had been removed from the guest list at the gate.

Ghosted.

We used to call it disappearing. Now there’s a fancier trendier word. Whatever you call it, if you’re single at this age, you’ve probably been ghosted or a ghostee at some point in your life.

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Why Do Men Play Mind Games?

mind gamesHi Sandy,

I recently dumped a guy I had been dating for 2 months as it seemed he was playing mind games with me, and only wanted to see me when it was convenient for him.  I met him online and specifically noted in my profile I was not interested in any game playing.  I made it clear I was looking for a long-term monogamous relationship.

I’m 53 and he’s 55.  When he sent a smile/flirt, I wrote him back even though he’s not normally the type of guy I would even go for. I thought I would step outside my comfort zone.

We would have a great date one night, and the next night he would act very cold.  In person, he’d say things like, “I really like you a lot”, “I enjoy your company, we have fun together”, and “You’re really easy to talk to, it makes it very easy for me to buy you a gift”.  He mentioned things like how “hot” I made him, etc.  Then I wouldn’t hear from him for 4 or 5 days and most of the time in between, I was reaching out to him via text or phone.

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