Taming the Bully Between Your Ears
Author and speaker, Jeanie Cisco-Meth, discovered a method of taming the bully between your ears. Tune in to learn how to quiet the inner critic.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth discovered how important it is to tame the ‘bully between your ears.’ She is a two-time best-selling author, professional speaker, educator, and parent. She shares her scientifically proven system for improving communication and decreasing conflict. Jeanie has been quoted in Forbes, and she’s been a guest on radio stations across the country. She has appeared on television for ABC4, Free Speech TV, and others.
- In this episode of Last First Date Radio:
- What is the bully between your ears?
- How Jeanie discovered it
- What you can do to tame those nasty critical voices that try to keep you small
Show Notes: Taming the Bully Between Your Ears to Find Love
How did you discover the bully between your ears?
It’s that voice that tells us you’re too old, fat, whatever. Sometimes it sounds like my mom or my boss. It stops us from playing big enough. My first book was Bully-Proofing You. I realized there’s this bully in our heads that’s much more insidious than the outer bully. Everyone has that little voice.
How does that voice show up?
We hear those negative voices so frequently, we believe them to be true. I believe life happens FOR me, not TO me. It doesn’t matter where the voice comes from. It matters that you’re aware of it so you can stop it.
What can people do to tame their bully?
Carry a notebook in your pocket. Become aware when you’re saying something negative to yourself. Pull out your notebook, and ask yourself what went through your mind that had you saying something negative to yourself.
Then, replace it with a positive voice. Ask yourself, ‘Do I want that negative voice to continue in my life, or do I want to create something new? What are my new thoughts?’
The negative voices wear a path in our brains that is well worn over time. Some of us have a six lane highway in negative thinking!
Continue to walk the path of your worth and positivity. As you continue to walk this new path, it will become a highway to positivity.
Discipline is remembering what you want in the moment of temptation. The new you chooses to say you’re valuable, loved…
People put labels on you. You decide to let the label stay or throw it away.
I had a client who was called a ‘bitch’. She reframed it and said to herself, “That’s a female dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. I love trees.” She looked at the person who called her that, and smiled and said, “Thank you”. Nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it.
Make yourself the hero of your story. It’s about self-care. So many of us, especially women, don’t take the time to fill our own cup. We want others to tell us they love us and will take care of us. Ask yourself, ‘What do I need today?’
Set yourself up for a good day. In the morning, be grateful for a new day to become the best you can be. Visualize your day. Feel the gratitude that you’re alive and can celebrate that.
Tell us about your divorces and what you learned to have a successful relationship now.
In my first marriage, my husband was verbally abusive and had two affairs. Because of where I was at the time, I allowed it. After a year and a half, I divorced. I married again, and my husband was an alcoholic. After that marriage ended, I realized I was the common denominator. I figured out what I needed to have a better relationship.
In the first marriage, I didn’t say what I needed. I didn’t say what I would not tolerate. In the second marriage, I asked for what I wanted, but I hadn’t drawn the line on what was acceptable and what wasn’t. I excused his behavior. I had settled again because I thought my standards were too high.
I realized I needed to have all my needs and most of my wants in a relationship, or I wouldn’t get married again. With my husband, I found that. It takes work, but we’re perfect together. We both made a commitment to each other and ourselves.
What final words of advice do you have for people who want to go on their last first date?
In my book, Bully-Proofing You, I provide three steps. First, you learn to love yourself first. Next, realize that hurt people hurt people. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Instead of getting defensive, get curious about why they’re hurting. The third step is about planned responses. When you’re triggered, and you’ve thought it out beforehand, you can plan your response.
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