“Ted”: A Surprising Love Story

Posted by in love after 40, self-esteem in dating, single women over 40 | 0 comments

I wasn’t going to see the movie Ted. I thought it would be stupid, in a 19-year-old boy kind of  way. Don’t get me wrong ~ I have laughed heartily at Seth MacFarlane’s Family Guy, especially when I’ve watched it with my 21-year-old son. But, having seen the previews for Ted, I thought to myself, “Raunchy, sexually exploitative, drug humor, cheap shots, no thanks.” I finally reneged last night when I just needed to see a comedy and it was the best option out there. I realize now that it was a good thing that I went to Ted with low expectations. I was bound to get more out of it!

What I did like about the movie, besides some good (if not PC) belly laughs, was the underlying love story.  The relationship of Ted’s owner, John Bennet, an immature but good-hearted guy, and his level-headed, responsible, gorgeous girlfriend, Lori Collins, was interesting to watch as it unravels over the course of the movie.

I think many of us can relate to the ‘say one thing and do another’ John, the guy who keeps promising his girlfriend that he’ll get it right the next time. Whether it’s about getting to work on time or leaving her at a party to get high with Ted, John keeps messing up.

Here’s where one of my key date coaching rules comes in: Pay attention to his actions, not his words. 

And Lori keeps taking him back.

Grrh! I found myself getting angry at Lori. My inner dating coach wanted to shout out, “Stop putting up with his selfish, hedonistic behavior. You need to let him know that you won’t tolerate it anymore. Walk away. See if he follows.”

Which brings me to my second date coaching rule: Have clear standards and follow-through with them.

If I was Lori at Lori’s age, I, too, would have lectured and admonished John for not treating me right. But as I found out the hard way, pushing, nagging, yelling, and cajoling don’t work.

Having standards works.

And follow through works. You need to mean what you say and say what you mean.

Lori is finally pushed over the edge when John abandons her for a drug-fest with Ted. She finally walks away.

The power of that move is immediately evident. John is devastated. He realizes that she is more important to him than the talking teddy bear who is keeping him stuck in his adolescence.

She walked away. She didn’t yell. She was done. She drew the line in the sand. 

Through a series of events, John finally gets the girl. A good guy will fight for the girl he loves. If she walks away, he will follow.

A jerk will leave her in the dust after she’s declared her bottom line, her standards.

So, lessons learned?

1. Pay attention to his actions, not his words. 

2. Have clear standards and follow-through with them.

3. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

4. Be able to tell the difference between a good guy and a jerk.

xoxo

Sandy

5. Hold onto the good guys. Dump the jerks.

 

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