The Art of Flirting
I spent the day yesterday with an expert flirt. My friend, whom we’ll call Dana, flirts with everyone. As we entered the Metropolitan Museum of Art for our ‘museum date’, Dana was adjusting her sunglasses on top of her head. The guard at the door said, “Your hair looks great just the way it is.” She quickly responded, “You have great hair, too! I love the salt and pepper look. You’ve got a good thing going.” Flirting 101. Next up was the guy at the ticket desk. Big smiles, Dana charmed her way into a free ticket. My friend wasn’t trying to pick up any of these guys. There was no sexual innuendo. In fact, Dana is married. But she flirts like a pro. What can we learn from Dana’s flirtation?
After our great museum visit, I sat down with Dana on the museum steps to find out more about her flirting techniques. I figured my readers could learn a thing or two about the art of flirting from a flirting pro.
Me: Dana, you flirt with everyone. How come?
Dana: I don’t see it as flirting as much as my natural tendency as an extrovert. I am a connector. I have a joke with my oldest daughter that every time I leave the house, I make a new friend!
Me: Many of my clients, and I have to say me included until recently, believe that flirting is not a natural skill. It feels fake, inauthentic, and overtly sexually solicitous. What do you say about that?
Dana: Flirting is fun for me. I love people. I guess it’s a form of networking. What’s wrong with brightening someone’s day? Or finding out a little bit about a passing stranger? It’s not at all about sex.
Me: I’ve learned to make eye contact with strangers and say something nice to them. Just validating that a cashier is doing a good job, or that I like someone’s tie can make their day. And it feels great to contribute to someone’s day, right?
Dana: I agree!
Me: What about the fact that you’re married. Do you think it changes the way you flirt in any way?
Dana: Marriage is a perfect foil for me when it comes to how I interact with men. I feel that it gives me a sort of protection. Men know I’m married. I’m just having fun, but there’s a boundary.
Me: I hear that. I think flirting when you’re single affords you great practice in being comfortable with all people. That way, when it comes to a date with someone who might make you nervous, you’ll relax more easily.
Dana: For me, the perfect flirt is with a gay guy! I have a gay business partner who’s my newest partner in ‘crime’. We are two peas in a pod. I am so relaxed with him, because I know there’s no sexual interest. We love hanging out together outside of business.
Me: I hear you on that, Dana. Without sexual possibility, it’s easy to relax and be yourself. When there is sexual possibility, what would you say is a good flirting technique to share with my clients?
Dana: Smile. Make eye contact. Notice something about their appearance and comment on it.
Me: Great ideas! One of my favorites: the hair flip. If you want to grab a man’s attention, playing with your hair or rubbing your fingers on your face or neck can really pique his sexual interest, but not in an overt ‘come hither’ way.
Dana: Love that one!
We hugged goodbye and each went our separate ways, Dana to a party, me to a dinner date.
And you can be assured that I was smiling, flipping my hair, and noticing good hair the rest of the night!
Share your flirting tips below.