The ‘Dating Dip’: How to Stay Positive After a String of Bad Dates

Posted by in dating after divorce, first date success, love after 40, online dating after 40, single women over 40 | 0 comments

The default setting for dating is failure. You are going to fail in relationships over and over and over until you meet the right one. Sounds like I’m a Debbie Downer? If you have read my blogs and know who I am, you know I’m one of the most positive, upbeat people you’ll meet. And that’s the focus of this blog. How do you stay positive when dates are a flop?

I, too, am dating after divorce. I have been dating for several years now, and I take it seriously. I don’t just date to find that special relationship. I also date to teach my clients and readers what I learn in the process.

While I have found a few special guys with whom I have forged lovely relationships, ultimately, there was something missing and the relationship ended.

I have gone on blind date after blind date. I have met sweet guys who were not for me, and I have passed them on to friends who might be a better fit.

I have gone on dates with men who were too straight-laced for me, but they were kind and good-hearted.

I’ve dated men who bored me to tears, and I can have a conversation with just about anyone!

Some of the men I’ve dated were just plain unstable, strange, inappropriate, or off-putting in some other way.

As appealing as it might be to call it quits and give up, I stay positive. Like I tell my clients, it’s important to stay in the game in order to find love.

If you give up because of disappointment, your chance at finding love is almost nil. Many refer to finding love as akin to getting struck by lightning. This is a reference I’ve seen twice in the past week in widower’s profiles about finding love again.

Love is not about getting struck by lightning. That’s what movies are made of.

It’s about taking action to find a wonderful person with whom to create a lasting relationship.

How do you stay positive through all the failure?

1. Focus on the journey, not just the end result. If you enjoy the process of anything you do, you’ll be able to navigate through the bumps in the road.

I remember driving cross-country when I was in my twenties. We’d be in the car for up to six hours a day as we drove across this magnificent country. I could have asked, “Are we there yet?” a million times along the way. Or, I could have enjoyed the scenery, which was quite breathtaking at times. I chose option B. I suggest you do the same with dating.

2. Create a vision for your destination. If you don’t know where you’re heading, it’s difficult to find it. I lead a ‘Vision Board for Love’ workshop, guiding clients to create a vision for the person they want to marry.

You’ll need a large tag board, some old magazines, scissors and a glue stick.

Find a quiet space, put on some music to inspire you, and look through your magazines for images and words that evoke an intuitive description of your true love. Don’t over-think this! Just go with your gut.

Rip or cut the images/words and put them in a pile. When you feel you have enough, start gluing them onto your board. Date and sign the vision board.

Hang your board in a place where you can easily see it. I have mine in my bathroom!

This is an example from one of my workshops. It’s amazing to find that when you choose these images and words with your subconscious, you are often spot on about your ideal mate.

One of my clients is dating a wonderful man, and she recently checked her vision board to see if he was the right guy for her.

Everything about him was present on the board! It gave me goose bumps to hear the smile in her voice as she described how this man might be the ‘one’.

3. Get support. If you don’t already have a great support system, create one. Your fellow dating friends, your mom, an online community of women who are going through the same situation, whatever it may be for you, support is essential to getting through the dip of dating.

I walk for an hour every day with a divorced friend who is actively dating. Most of our conversation revolves around our dating lives. We have supported each other, laughed and cried together, and been each other’s guides throughout the sometimes frustrating journey of dating after divorce.

What works for you when you’re in the ‘dating dip’? Please share your comments below.





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