The Fine Line Between High-Status and Hard-to-Get

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Why do women still play hard-to-get? Tune in to hear Dr. Duana Welch discuss the difference between high status and hard-to-get.

Should women still be playing hard-to-get to ‘get the guy’? Dr. Duana Welch is a relationship coach and author known for applying social science to real life relationship problems. She wrote the Love Factually books, is an expert for the couples app Paired, and an international dating coach.

In this episode of Last First Radio:

  • Why do we still talk about hard-to-get? 
  • What is men’s usual mating psychology?
  • What is high-status dating and why is it better?
  • What are some examples of how a woman can feel better–more confident and calm–as she dates, while appealing to men’s desires for her?

EP 510: Duana Welch – The Fine Line Between High-Status and Hard-to-Get

Why do we still talk about hard-to-get? Isn’t that antiquated?

When we see birds doing the mating dance, they choose each other based on what the male offers the female bird. It’s about the ability to provide and protect. 

Humans also have mating rituals. We choose mates who are genetically fit, too. It’s not a game or manipulative or mysterious. The ritual gets us what we need to survive and procreate. Even if we are no longer procreating. We want what our ancestors wanted, because it helped them to survive.

What is high-status dating and why is it better?

I don’t want women to play hard to get. I want them to be hard to get. To be high status. Women who choose men who can provide and protect have a better chance of their children surviving.

Women lie about youth and beauty by enhancing the truth to appeal to men.

Men will say things they think women want to hear, like they will offer commitment even when they won’t. Men lie about their height, because women prefer bigger men.

What is men’s usual mating psychology?

Hook into men’s mating psychology, so they will desire you. Show some things that are appealing at the start. (Listen to the episode to learn more)

What are some examples of how a woman can more confident and calm as she dates, while appealing to men’s desires for her?

Men who are providers and protectors are often competitive. They compete for everything, including the woman they want. If he doesn’t have to compete to have you, he won’t be attracted. Don’t cater to everything he wants instantly. Date someone for an extended time period before you give yourself to him entirely. Don’t have sex until he’s in love and exclusive, and you both have an STI panel. Have a conversation with him about that from the outset. Tell him, I assume you’re dating around, because I am.

Telling a man your boundaries up front means you don’t have to be anxious about him being online before you’re committed.

If you’re dating online, and a guy gives you his number, you can tell him you’re a bit old fashioned, and you prefer it when a guy calls first and asks you out. If that resonates, do it. Do what will give you a different result.

What are your final words of advice for anyone who wants to go on their last first date?

Don’t be snobby or cold or bitchy. Be high status. Know your worth. Show men they can have access to your physicality when they earn it. Be straightforward about it.

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