The Guy Who Doesn’t Get It: Do You Call Him Back?

Posted by in dating after divorce, single women over 40 | 0 comments

A guy contacted me through an online dating site this past August. Let’s call him Boris. His profile described a smart, decent guy, so we exchanged a few emails. If things are going well with an online dating prospect, a good rule to follow is two or three emails exchanged before you’re ready for the next level. At that point, you can choose to either a. give out your personal email or b. give him your phone number. I like to give a guy my phone number first. If I like him enough, he’ll get my personal email in short order. 

Boris made it to level II, the phone call. I soon realized that we didn’t have much of a connection. I knew after one conversation that I didn’t want to meet in person. But he was persistent. “I like you, Sandy. I think we should meet. I think we had a great connection!”

I hate it when a guy can’t take no for an answer. It feels disrespectful. I said no. I meant no. It’s not about you, it’s about US, Boris. I trust my intuition. I know myself and who would make a good match for me. And Boris, you are not it!

I don’t mean to be nasty , but I think it’s important not to beg when someone says no. How hard is it to say, “Okay, nice to have met you” and move on?

So, imagine my surprise when I got this phone message today: “Hi, it’s me, Boris. We met online a few months ago. I just re-read your profile and it cracked me up. I really like everything you wrote. I’d like to talk to you. Please call me back.”

Let me ask you: would you call Boris back?

I was really clear with him that I was not interested in meeting him four months ago. I told him why we were not a good match. Why is he coming back again now?

My guess is he’s lonely. This is a busy season for online daters looking to find love before the Holidays. Maybe that’s it?

I can’t read his mind, and frankly, I don’t want to.

The nice, kindhearted, compassionate part of me wanted to call him back and tell him, “Hey, you’re a nice guy, you’re just not right for me.”

And then I imagined having to repeat the conversation I had this summer, and try once again to convince Boris that we are not a good match.

That would be exhausting and draining. If Boris didn’t get it then, he probably won’t get it now. I think it’s best for both of us if I don’t call.

What do you think I should do?



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